Was doing some IVLE posts, in my bid to "do my best" for the pathetic time I have left to salvage my situation...and saw this...
"Mooks are archetypal young males(teens-early 20s) who act like moronic boneheads. They are self centered simpletons who live a drunken frat-boy lifestyle(or are frat-boys). Examples can be found anytime someone watches "Jackass."
Its 4.17am on a Saturday morning, and Im sitting on the rooftop (table and bench don’t worry, not the parapet) enjoying the breeze. I would like to imagine im alone, but I cant, because behind the glass panels on my left, the 7th floor guys are playing guitar heroes, and I think they’ll last longer than I. They know im stressed, but I hope they don’t think too much about it.
In fact, quite a few people have been trying to sound me out, If im fine. They know of my commitments and wonder if i can cope this semester. I know because they ask me.I say I think its going to be okay, but honestly I don’t think so. I haven’t been doing much work this semester, and I mean it. The only times I studied were the 11th hour before my test, and given the difficulty of the tests, expectedly, I didn’t fare well. It has been a conscious recognition to know that my cap will suffer this sem. I have sat through two meetings this week that have people warning me that schoolwork will take a backseat for now, till exam period.
Have been telling myself to do better than to be influenced by that, emulate last semester a little bit more, and become more of what I wanted to stay, after coming into hall. And woah, its not easy at all. I agree with you if you think hall sucks the life out of someone, because of what it demands. I totally agree with you. But i don’t agree with you that the outcome is always determined. In trying to do better than what the outcome may suggest, im trying my very best. Im tired, my brain is reeling from the effects of 15 hour sleep each week, but I’ll do my best.
My Paper 3 is due real soon, 2 projects, 1 presentation and 2 tests, and finals in 20 odd days. Im far from prepared, and I don’t know how im going to face my CAP when it comes out.
This morning EG didn’t wake me up because he knew I needed the sleep. I was frustrated when I woke up but it made me so thankful of the kind of friends I have. Joined the crossers at biz for study /htht. Have been having quite a few htht-ing recently, giving some real good closures to a few topics. Churning out proposals at the speed of light also adds purpose to the status of not-studying-at-all.
If its anything that holds me back here, its because of the friendships I have, which also have been tested through thick and thin.
Anyway, after this week of closures and gearing up, I think its time to change the direction again, take another fork. From this very moment, I shall sleep early, by 1am everyday, wake up by 8 everyday, run thrice a week, and phantom to study. Time to pull up everything's that down.
Its getting cold, and dawn's breaking, I should go.
OK I changed my mind. I shall keep this here as it is.:)except that blogger gets irritating sometimes.
This is exactly how I feel right now.
Tired, and school's got me tangled up in many many aspects :(
Last nation building tutorial today! 1-3 pm hooolaallaaballoooo!
Headed a meeting from 4 to 6pm, then USS from 6-8.
Dinner with zeya, alywin, darren, bra, clement, sze sian, dex and joanne. Had a superr good laugh:)
I'm trying to piece my life together up for 2 hours, before I start doing my tutorial for tomorrow.
urghhhh tomorrow - lecture, tutorial, project meeting, then wmyc from 6 to 8pm.
Tired.
Will miss trainings, killing ourselves with the intervals, and of course following our watches like mad reaching targets from point to point along the 2.2 route.
Still, I prefer my own running pace. haha:)
Health Comm! Mondays with Lance and Thurs with Mathew. 
KR reporters, fun, and comparatively slack:)
SMU IS DA MAN. cool and fun, can contend for best comm in KR:)
and of course HPB - undoubtedly the most HAPS comm. this goes both ways for those who know what im talking about.
What a good end to a busy semester... going to settle down and focus already, before its too late to pull up whatever's down.
SEMI-MOVED. WILL BE BACK OCCASIONALLY TO POST.
ask me personally if you want my new url.
Oh no, why am I having such a thought in my head?
Im suddenly starting to think if everything is going to be worth it, and whether I want to put a fulls-stop to this whole thing.
I guess right now im just tired.
But next semester I think Im going to change my direction in life. Last week in church, I suddenly thought of stepping up again, to serve in more ways than I have ever done. Also, I'll want to do more community based projects which involve charity and humanity-inspiring activities.
Jaded and caught up in this crazy rat race. How typical of what everyone tries so hard not to get caught in.
My body is getting used to 4 hours of sleep a day, which is very very bad. When i sleep for 3 plus hours now, it feels like I had 6 hours of sleep, and sleeping 6 hours is like about 8 hours. I feel so good when I have 5 or 6 hours of sleep. This seems good for now, but I think its really bad for health and long term.
This hellish 3 weeks of assignments end at 5pm tomorrow! (After that the tutorial backlog tumbles in) The rate of my work and essay-churning have been scaring people more than me.
Then I think, this is how it is going to be for the next 4 years isn't it. I should get used to it, perhaps type essays a little faster, research for material earlier and more thoroughly... lots more to learn.
Freshie for a reason. But yesterday during meeting Year 4 Syafiqah said I totally didn't seem like a Year 1 at all. haha.
I feel like I grew by leaps and bounds this year. Strangely feel my age - 19 going on 20. Even my batch of army boys seem younger than me. hmmm!
Open house is over!! phew! what a relief, it was great fun.
But now im prettyyy dead.
Paper II finals due tmr, EL essay due on wed = zero references, zero planning yet.
Meeting for WMYC tmr 4-6pm, then 6 to 8 pm for secretariat. Promised people ill support NUS soccer finals tmr after 8, and promised yan yan and vera ill be there at smu party.
NEED TO PS PEOPLE AGAIN. DIEEEEEE.
GOTTA GOTTA SCOOT TO WORK.
Was scanning the Cross blog for the article Baldwin told me to read, when I saw this.
I think my loss this semester has been not being able to go down for trainings. I dont exactly miss the track nor the intervals really, IHG training was enough! haha, but I really miss the people.
I took time off to go down for training on Tuesday and I was so so so happy warming up, conquering the vast fields and the long run with Jovyn, Mel and Trixie was so so awesome.
Running to me, is like my schoolwork. It doesnt have to be that good or A+ stuff, but I shall always try my best to improve. From Lance: What seems practically impossible to achieve doesn't mean we should stop believing in it. It is there for the reason of inspiring us everyday, and every day step forward is an improvement.
For that reason, everytime I run, I want to pant or feel like giving up more than the previous time. Everytime I do an essay, no matter how late I sleep, I want to make sure my effort is A+, even if it might not necessarily turn out that way.
KR OPENHOUSE THIS WEEKEND!
Wont be going home this weekend but I'll surely enjoy myself with the krazee peeps:)
But for now, its response paper due at 12 tmr, Paper II final due on Monday, EL essay on Wed. And I just handed up China Essay today at 5pm. NO RESPITE. :X
I deleted my previous post because unhappy things should never be put this way. I somehow knew I was going to delete it some time after, even while writing it. Such is human nature.
Today was conflicting: Had a pretty good start with Film Screening of Forever Fever. Had a good laugh. Except that I now have a review to do by Friday. haha oh well, what's new.
Havent felt this happy in so long. I was rejoicing while doing warm ups and did long run with Jovyn at the track. Felt like I could go on forever and faster even. I took time off, and so...im paying the consequences now.
Some daunting things: Got a 'bomb' at meeting today, im going to be heading this big project, which officially whizzes off today, at the click of my SEND button, an email delegating stuff and arranging when our timeline's going to be done.
No respite, but im still young.
Its 1am already, I havent started a 1500 word research essay due tomorrow. Didnt procrastinate, I promise. But the earlier I sleep today, the later I sleep tomorrow. Oh yes, tomorrow goes to preparing for my tutorial. Year 4 Law student next to me presenting perfectly coherent arguments, I cant pale in contrast worse than the nature of our abilities already, gotta put in sheer effort.
I guess sometimes people assume too much.
It was strange this morning, it was like de jevu all over again...
I guess I still miss you in bits and pieces and I think this is gonna be permanent.
