This is such an awesome blog, and I gotta do this here - last post for 2010!
Don't care if anyone still actually reads!

2010 has been officially the worst year in my 20 years of life. Yes, the worst. Because many bad things happened, and the recovery process was painful. It was when I screwed up, over academics and matters of the heart, and trying to regain something wrt to the two issues was tough.

I just hope 2011 would be so much better!

But of course, there were still memorable events :D Like, erm shall not talk about Jan-Jun at all, because I can't remember many good memories from there, it was mostly pretty bad.

So continuing from June..
1. Successfully executed WMYC @ UCC!
2. Helping out at Cross open house, and Cross camp
3. Dated 2 people who were pretty awesome, except that sadly im not in the mood for love yet, haha.
4. Bintan with the vj girls!:)
5. Got selected as a writing assistant, along with ABC in USP!:)
6. Organised a local tour for pretty cool foreign students!
7. got an exchange space in US:)
8. Got into JCRC! and loving my two comms RN:)

Ok but overall, 2009 still thrashed 2010 upside down! haha. Never thought I would ever say this!

I was wondering when this post would come.
Two years ago, I was too caught up with the speed at which life was carrying me forward, I forgot to post, until 2009 came.

One year ago, I was still overseas, heart aching, and dying to come back to Sg, after 1 whole month in Dubai with my family. I eventually changed the booking of my flight to a few days earlier than the rest of my family members, and flew back, to catch the last few days of December. Not sure if I posted then, I won't be surprised too.

Over time, this blogsite has become a place where I come to, when I have come to some difficulty. As I have noticed, I haven't come since September, and I must say these 3 months have been the most awesome period of my life, since January this year. Suddenly I have recovered some of myself that I had since I was 18 - which is so precious to me. Everything seems so hopeful yet again, and I must say I believe in fairytales again,which by the way, is so important, I feel.

Tonight is the eve of NUS results day yes! But its so much more about the results. Its also a reflection of the undivided attention and hard work I've put into my work this semester. I sacrificed so much during school time - family time, some social activities etc. just for this experiment - to see just how much I can go with my studies.

I just feel a bit heavy-hearted now, because I know I havent exactly placed Someone else in charge this whole process. I feel that I've tried to control the outcome of events too much, by myself.

Argh.

But overall, oh my gosh, I think I've grown tremendously this year. Honestly, its a relief 2010 is coming to an end. I feel it has been an amazing journey by itself. And wow, I'm really quite 'tired'.

I'm really looking forward to 2011, because there are things I still want to get back, and will work towards that.

Oregon 2010!

2012 is so far away! But something to look forward to.

University of Oregon - Clark's Honors College (History) :)



Think hippie culture, weed (optional), daily live performances, hometown museums, rich history and one of US's prestigious public research institutions!

Best of all, Oregon's in the West Coast of USA, awesomeee. And glad I applied for Semester 2, because thats a bit of Winter and transiting into Spring, which means ill get to try both the winter and non-winter activities Oregon offers!

And... since its in 2012, I've time to get my license!!

Thank God, for making everything work out (at least for now!).

:)

Some photos to make everyone feel happy again:)

To the people I've been very bad to, in the literal and figurative sense - as in rude to, or meiyi-gloaterish to, these guys have become so much a part of my life now and I dont know how much gratitude I have for everyone who has helped me along the way, encouraging me when I was active, picking me up when I was jaded, or a simple lunch and everything. Didn't take photos (obviously) with everyone im directing this message to, but you'll already know if you're close to my heart, so this goes to you.

Thank you, and Thank God:)

new

Bintan was good, but upon coming back to Sg, its like plunging back into reality. Plunging with hands on my nose though, because I won’t say I didn’t expect what has happened so far, although I won’t say I was fully prepared.

For one, hall so far has been giving me a rather different experience from what Year 1 gave - the group of people I’ve been hanging out with are different...this isn’t bad, but revisits from those of the ‘past’ and doing like-minded activities strike a chord within me that I know these are the only things I ever wanna do, and never change..now this is bad. When I commit to activities, it’s because I’m purely helping friends out, like based on one-to-one individual friendships rather than being committal to the idea of the event itself...which makes me feel so conflicted so much of the time... Also, not only do I miss those not here anymore, but I also miss those still here... It feels so distant when I see them with their new freshies/friends or doing new stuff because it’s something I can’t help, yet i’m still struggling for some control.

Maybe its still holiday period for everyone but me (because of having to go back to school) so I kinda see things from a distance, rather than being submerged in the entire thing.

Despite of how my attitude as a KR person has changed quite abit, I will still say I hold it close to my heart for the many amazing memories it has given me, the small friendships that go the distance (that others really don’t know about) and has helped me so much last year.

Maybe I should throw any expectations away and hit the ‘refresh’ button.

I have been feeling very upbeat for some time, think its because I've been getting sufficient rest, or at least when i dont, im doing things I enjoy, like catching up with people over supper, watching movies or films, camps like swoc. During the day, if im not doing WMYC stuff (which has been a great experience in USP), or working (earning money yay), or training (improving fitness), im seeing friends and going out catching worldcup matches, having a drink or two. Or best still, having relatively more time at home, and spending quality time with my Mum and Dad. Also, I finally get time to organise outings for people, which is great cos i get to make the call on who's invited hahaha tsk tsk. but yea, basically being a more proactive friend, something I miss being, being so caught up during school term and seeming to be always on the receiving end.


During this holidays, I've been out of the house for a substantial amount of time, with school and all (above-mentioned) but my Dad never fails to buy my favourite breakfast from the nearby market everyday. This is despite me perhaps not even waking up for it, as I'm nocturnal some days. He also loves it when I sleep in, and creeps in to give me pocket money, because he knows I dont get enough sleep, although sometimes it becomes horrible when he quarrels with my mum when she wakes me up, cos yup she doesn't really like the idea of a nocturnal life in our house. He also never fails to catch at least half an hour of soccer matches with me during those few times I catch the match at home. Basically, my dad goes out of the way to show that he loves me and for that, I never want him to fetch me from the mrt station (unless im really tired) or want extra cash from him or want anything more that he already gives. He's getting on with age too and I dont want to expedite that! haha.

Even though its super hard shuffling between both of them, and with my sis overseas we dont really have each other that much anymore, but I guess this has helped me alot in life. Being independent to me, is alot more than just washing my own clothes, settling my own meals and making my own decistions (actually alot of this, I realise, my Mum still does haha) but its so much more than that... There was once, my dad was furious with my mum for waking me up -- She woke me up at 8am cos I had promised my dad the previous day i would follow him to HDB hub before he went to work. But cos SMOO krubbing was the day before I only slept at 6am, I was probably still in deep sleep then. So my dad wanted to let me continue sleeping, but yup cos i'd already promised, and of course because clubbing should never be a valid excuse for skipping other more important things, my mum was helping me keep my promise. So, to appease the both of them, I got up, and got ready super fast, and had to put on a front that I was ultra awake and even hungry (totally not because my tummy was actually pretty uncomfortable from the alcohol the previous night), because breakfast is a norm with my dad on weekday mornings. So yea I kinda appeased Dad by showing that you know, waking up early was really ok for me! So dad was happy, and well I think my mum was proud of me, for having mental and physical resilience hahah.

I was just thinking today, despite the challenges God has given me these past few years, I think I'm ultra-blessed, because I have such loving parents, despite still having a relatively dysfunctional family, I still thank God for giving me a Dad and a Mum, well even if they can't coexist together. Mum was just telling me that day that they might be filing for separation by the end of the next 3 years, (although this goes together with having to sell our house now) and I guess I'm mature enough to let her know that I support her decision whatever it may be, and that I'd still love her and my Dad as much as I've always.

Staying at home has been so very important to me, and hall life on a everyday basis during school term has re-emphasized that.

Also, I think I'm very blessed, cos God has been such a constant for me. In fact, He has been the only constant in my life. I like to keep Him with me all the time, although I know I dont show it all the time (forgetting to say Grace and sometimes my nightly prayers). I just pray that He reads my heart all the time, and help me by always giving me good intentions and to be a good person, someone in His likeness, which is not easy, because I believe that it is important to stay relevant in today's world, that means dealing with things like clubbing (often a no-no to many pious Christians) and hanging out with friends who might be not be as good influences (many smokers sigh), whilst not losing my own values.

Lastly I guess I'm lucky because I always have good friends, who read my sincerity with their own. Sincere friends are the most important to me, even if we might not meet up constantly. I guess this has to be one of the most important values I appreciate in friends. I'll accept all your vices just as long as you are sincere and honest with me. :):):) awwww. haha.

Alright, this should be a pretty comprehensive update.
You can see my other academic/ minor rantings on www.onedose.tumblr.com:) best still, add me on twitter hahahaha.

Till the next time, cheers!
<3

My biggest fault was not allowing God to take me on the healing process, and me trying to handle it all on my own.

Thanks C for letting me know something I've not been able to admit.

True happiness sets in from now onwards:)

Maybe I'm aunt agony to too many, Im starting to be brought down too. Finding it harder to let my own happiness spread to others, lest does it keep me feeling invincible.

So when I get the feeling that I can conquer all, I'll remember it forever and hold on to it tight.

Update

A compilation of some photos taken since the holidays kicked in, I have some reservations calling it summer because I realised its quite a pseudo-angmoh term, since well, Singapore doesn't have 4 seasons. :)

Its been quite an awesome few weeks, and I've taken on responsibility to take down on my notebook what I've been doing everyday. Coping back at home (after not staying home on a daily basis for 1 year) has also been something new, yet still familiar: helping out with housework, kind of taking over what my mum has to do without me around, spending more time with my parents, and basically showing I treat home more than just a hotel, as I realise sometimes my schedule forces me to do -- the early mornings back home and then resting 4 hours before heading back to school/ work.

Also, due to the lack of time/energy, I've been forced to prioritise many activities for friends: in this sense, I realise I really have to spend my time where its worth, get what I mean? And also looking long-term...what do I want to keep? Definitely my friendships with sec school pals, vj girls and cca mates and of course some others, some hall friends, and crossers and church mates, and really its a done deal, I really dont have much time left. Also going back to school almost every 3 out of 5 weekdays keep me on the move.

Had a good talk about life over some Edinburgh yesterday and yes, I believe with God to help me, I'm on the right track.

Being perfectly honest about what one wants is really not easy, but we've got to keep striving, because only our true self warrants true reciprocal happiness and satisfaction. No more putting up fronts just to accomodate people, but of course we've got to stay reasonable too, that shouldn't be a problem. :p (This is applicable to both social networking as well as the academics uhhuh)

Time to pull some handbrakes.

Have been on cloud 9 since CBB ended, cos thats when school really sorta 'ended' for me, one month later than everyone.

So I have been out everyday, everyday, then every dawn :(
Time to pull some handbrakes, before I lose myself.

Everything in moderation, people!

LL if you see this, run tgt soon, we needa talk!:)

Was looking through the botanics photos on fb, and I just realised that I miss the crossers, alot. and I don't know why. Every time I sneak time to go for trainings once in a while, it seems like I can't get enough. Does running together and squeezing our lungs out forge special bonds, or is it just me again, to think the better of everything more than it actually is?

Have been in school conducting interviews, training later. 10 x 2 min 45s. omgggg.

The people I've been seeing everyday for the last 3 weeks

The people I've been seeing everyday every minute every hour for the last 3 weeks, as well as during semester 2. They've seen me upset, angry, cry, gone, happy, crazy, mad. Yep, I guess we're all gonna be relieved once CBB is over, but then again everything has mixed feelings doesn't it.



This time last year, I thought this was the most awesomest camp I'd ever had. Now its our turn to create this experience for 80 more.

Im soo confused by what you are saying -- are you trying make to make me be disillusioned about everything and forget about it, in entirety I mean, or did that really happen? Did it?

Because if it did, I guess its just reflective of our sparring relationship, love-hate, me demanding more from you that I did of myself. If its the latter, I'd apologise, but i wont feel sorry.

That's just the way it is now, like camille says, if we hold on to the past too tight, there can be no future.

It's tough to be man.

On another note: I HAD THE MOST AWESOMEST 20TH BIRTHDAY because I had absolutely zero expectations and I was thrown off everytime a surprise came. HPB's one was the funnest cos they made me do some hulas before I could eat the cake, and the Crossers' ones was sweet. OMG but paiseh because after the 11k run at Macritchie, I had this really bad stomachache, and I was in the toilet long enough for them to get themselves super organised and all hiding behind this platform thing HAHA.

Thank you friends, really. I feel 100 up!:)

Another funny episode:
Status: Me catching 40 winks at 7pm after waking at 7am

Phone rings : I see Annabelle Leow calling and our pretty photo pops up.

I answer, blur me hears a boy's voice.

Check. Annabelle Leow.

Oh wait, ok its Wei Xian.

Me: Hi Wei Xian!

Wei Xian: Halo. Happy birthday. * i hear leow's voice in the background.

Me: Ah, I lie back and close my eyes.

Wei Xian: "Leow asks if you want a smooching(couldnt really catch this btw) kiss"

Me: "Err, ok!"

Wei Xian: "huh , you really want ah."

Me: "Why not, if you can lor."

... ... ...

HAHA.

was telling my mum Im good pals with so many people's boyfriends hahahaa. and thats just cos my ex used to take care of them too so i expect the same returns ok.

In my sis's terms: Buy 1 get 7 free.

Girls, hear this???:):):)

Sister in love

Hahaah it is super funny my sister is sitting opposite me skyping with Kaiming, and i'm kind of talking to him also just that I insist he doesnt see me now, because im wearing my spectacles, which is a very bad reason because he says he is wearing specs too. hahaha but i claim its different.

And its disturbing that my sister talks to him in a slightly more formal American slang, and thats just cause KM is in US now hahaha.

I love my sister and wish she could be here to stay:( What sucks more is that I wont even be home the whole of next week, and she's going shanghai a few days after I get back:( Plus she has CFA to study for, boo.

Anyway I've grown up whooo!:):):)

** ok status updated:

I've already skyped with him and he is so funny, saw his skype messages with my sis" KM: Miss you *inside car*
SIS: Miss you *outside car*

HAHHA. omg so mushy. I tell you he win already, i've never seen my cold-to-boys-sister ever so happy before. I'm so happy for her:):)

PCTTM

PEK CHEK is a term used by Cantonese to describe pent up frustration which cannot be verbalised, either because the time isn't right, or because it is simply so frustrating that you just cant say it out.

PCTTM = Pek Chek TTM (to the max) has been a term I've encountered a lot this week besides those awesome times I managed to steal happy time, and I think its sufficient to cause a minor heart disorder.

what eg said was so true "I realised you are always waiting for something to be over, but this time its really true." UHHUH.

God please help me extra extra :'(

The big day is coming in four days, and I guess that's part of the reason why I've been feeling so upbeat ;p even the most sickening things which made me so upset while school term was on can't get me down now :) another reason is because I guess I had a super good cry (the only other time since Jan) last week and after that things just turned for the better. My Friends have also been so awesome and to those who have reminded me to treasure so many other things in life, thank you.:)

I know I have been 24/7 hours in school because of cbb prep but this doesn't make my friendships with those outside any weaker- I know those sorta waiting (I mean of course they are doing their own things too la haha)are proud and happy that I'm doing what I want to do, and they trust that i'd always stay true to myself and pursue genuine happiness. In this sense I'm eternally grateful and there is no way I can express my deepest appreciation:)

today was another super long day planning cbb but got loads including filming done:) tmr's morning's meeting w the fwocers, before games testing. Then I'm taking leave to meet the girls for bak kut Teh at tiong bahru:) aft that it's back to school for programmes meeting.

Ok it's 2 and I think the light from my phone is making light- sleeper carol listless. This was just a short update for those wondering what I've been up to, since I have sorta mia-ed:)

p.s you are really impressing me here, btw;) time will tell:)

Oh dear, I'm so tired! But I'm glad it's not the eye-bag academic stress kinda tiredness, but the sunburnt, muscle aching active 24/7 on the move kinda tiredness. Just finished meeting with v and c, I need to concuss... Tomorrow's the sun again + filming at 10 +++ GOSH. Wish me luckkkkkk:)

Resolution

I've got a resolution, and I've told enough buddies to help me keep me on track:S And wed was frustrating, besides hall people, saw my past x 2 groups, plus the crossers! but thankew hpb alot really and baldie was making it a wacky, penguin night HAHA:):)

Apart from that, ohmy tonight at home was awesome:
Lots of fruits+ see's candies!:)+ chatting with my oldest sis who just got back from hk+ canton movies ( i miss baldie's canton ranting + family + some guests= I <3 home!

Didnt join the hpb guys for Robin Hood after midnight (now actually) cos i was really so glad to be home, no way am i going back!

Tomorrow its buffet with my family and parkway (KOI YUMM) before heading down to city hall starbucks with hpb. gnna use the time to finish up planning for sp games whoo!



I love my apps on iPhone oh my AND viwawa wahjong with valmond and alywin. better not let my mahjong addiction come back though!:S if not once june comes its gonna be those crazy mahjong sessions till morning again!

P.S I think Justin Bieber is a little weird/scary, the way he smiles!
P.P.S: lu's coming back in 5 days! cant wait.
P.P.P.S: leow/ weixian: reply me already please! and vera come bk really soon, got some stuff to update you manz!

8.5

Wow i had a REALLY good time last night, sid's 21st first then sc. I realise I always tend to underestimate the kind of fun I have with my batch of vjcsb pals. But really I always feel so safe with the now -crowned and stamped-chope-confirm "independent and sensible" army boys:) I mean really I'm so impressed with them and really one thing I cannot discount is how the girls and guys alike know me so well...really...I know I can count on them.

And it was hilarious at feifei when we suddenly became quiet over wanton mee because the group behind us was talking about jiawei's band and we were trying to eavesdeop,and like so tempted to turn around and say,

"hey, this is the zai bassist you are talking about, dudes!"

Let go, let God

The past 2 weeks have been sort of me going through a rough patch with regards to matters of the heart. This overlapped with my exam week and I think it was because I knew exams a.k.a school was ending. In a sense, any free time I had during school term had to be dedicated to school work (uhhuh) and not to other things which I took up. This part coming to and end, and 3 months of free-er life ahead kind of frightened me.

What I was so entirely yearning for, time to plan my own days, a choice to turn down events or to cook up excuses (yes, really) without anyone discovering me hiding elsewhere was coming (uhhuh), so real, and thus daunting. This is the first time I haven't exactly secured a job for the coming holidays prior to the end of school and not being on internship/ work attachment like some others. I was treading between the lines of becoming what I always wanted to try out, yet not feeling too comfortable because its not like me to do so... In essence what I want to be, yet not so because its totally not me = equivalent to a couch potato sitting in front of TV (showing Scrubs) and knowing that after that i had the luxury of taking a nap, yes. thats awesome. Top that up with the knowledge that I can enjoy a homecooked dinner after that hmm:)

However, especially this week, this seemed really possible since WMYC only took up today and Tuesday, and the rest of NUS kinda still has exams (and I dont want to go around asking anyway). After the very awesome weekend, Monday was spent with me following my Mum to "work"! haha she isnt really working, but she is babysitting a relative's 2.5 yrs old daughter to help her out. So i followed her to Charlotte's home and played with her for the whole day and even took a nap while she did too. haha. We watched OKTO programmes like Eloise (British uptown school girl) and Olivia (erm a pink piglet) and some other good kiddy shows! Charlotte was so cute and her hyperactivity was kind of refreshing:)

Yesterday was spent running errands with my Mum at PP (yay hometown): developing photos, doing some banking and grocery shopping as well as getting my KOI again:) at night after Dad gt back fr work, we actually drove to eunos station, and took a train to bugis to take a walk and erm look at the blackberry which i'd most prob be getting for my birthday (although currently im still not too enthusiastic about being soo updated with technology, but my parents are quite onz about the idea so yes).

These two spontaneous days along with the experience on Tuesday and today of interviewing the WMYC facils have really made me so glad and purposeful again. Having seen nearly 30 other NUS participants who have responded to our call for facilitators and hearing their views of they think of the topic of Championship has opened my eyes and reaffirmed my decision in making big sacrifices this semester as well as this holidays.

Also got a chance to talk to Elvis today about possibly doing an ISM next semester, prob with Nash! We're going to do on communal living and hmm yup our case studies will be relations in our dear 2nd home KR.:) It will be one mod on its own and it will be a refreshing start. However onto other stuff, Elvis asked me a question which kind of baffled me -- He asked me what my biggest goal at the end of 4 years of NUS was -- a first class honours? I said no. Hall President? I said no. USP President? I said NO... haha. Then what was it? Well I said, 2nd-class honours and a ticket to sponsored Masters, and get the most out of everything. Then he adviced me to give it a good think-through. Technically, for now, First class, seems quite daunting, yet at the same time, not entirely impossible. I guess what Elvis wanted me to be was basically not to be pigeon-holed in thinking and jaded just cos I've done so many activities this year and nearly all have been completed. ON top of this,

over the last few days, have been doing quite a lot of praying and day after day I get more clues of the smaller jigsaw pictures -- Im thinking of stepping up to CG leader for C-blk next sem, doing YEP next sem and prob do committee work for KRV. the past 2 sems have been so much about myself - like upping skills in organising (WMYC, HPB, SMU, health), dancing (uhhh) Chingay, improving in running (roadrace, cross) -- i guess im just sick of being so selfish and self-obsessed = yes this has been my problem I reckon. Will do one overseas trip with USP next year and I think that should be sufficient. Will continue in Cross though cos running with those guys and girls are just awesome:)

I guess I cant say I've got everything entirely mapped out, but its certainly a good way to go.

Ok i have 8 hours to start and finish my term essay due tomorrow. But im going for a loong run first cos the weather is good. Prob Henderson waves:) 11km, and my thighs should be a goner by then.:)I also chose the right day to be back in hall, cos my floor is so lively today, bbq with the 7th floor guys tonight. And sentosa with the girls tomorrow morning. Oh then 60 buck tickets with Jastine to Animal Farm! cant wait:)

I forgot to tell you that I have also let go already, and in fact last night I dreamt of you, X. I guess even my subconscious is sick of holding tight on something that can never ever can return. I have to trust that the last decision we made, of so many we had previously made together, is the right one, and like our maxim :

"Even if we didn't make the right choice, we gotta make the choice right":)

Saturday's Sid's 21st, then its a late night out with eric and prob will bump into a few hall people. Dafril was hilarious - "Meiyi moments, are you free saturday night. we are going for supper but must wear very nice". haha:)

Oh and Thank you Eric and Jastine, you guys ARE DA BOMB, seriously. You guys form a part of the perfect past I had, that i know will always be there, even when how it seems to crumble...

busy days x 100. When will this end?

My sister's NY trip

My sister just got back to Dubai from her trip to US to visit Kaiming, during which she had a surprise ticket to go New York too. :)

Not only is he great because he appreciates my sister's baking (hahahaah ok which I must say the photos are looking better and better).... but maybe thats also cos No.2, he is a pretty good photographer:) (y)!


Km and Lulu @ Tuggs Tavern.





OK. I SHALL MOVE ON WITH OTHER PHOTOS:) haha.










This has to be my favourite.






Cant wait for my sis to be back, why must you be back before I can really move out of hall (i.e. before may 27??) SIGH. :( That's quite upsetting cos ive only a week to spend with her before she flies off to Shanghai with my Mum. this is another big SIGH ill be missing the shanghai trip and visit to the Shanghai Expo:( oh well but still:)

I love my sister she is such a good role model and she amazes me how she stays so independent in such an unfamiliar country like Dubai. <3

I've got a funny feeling. Indescribable.

omg I need to stop screwing up really. I was hoping to maintain my cap sem, and now its just a glimmer of hope. If a strong wind blows tomorrow, this glimmer is going to be diminished.

We shan't let this "go down without a fight" though like what Nash and then Dorkie said. haha. :'(

Studying for exams have only been semi-part of my life these 2 weeks...there are bigger things in life to balance, I guess.

One of my friends (who doesn't stay in hall) always asks me how I cope with this lifestyle -- one whole new dimension to life -- real world politics (this gets even more real over time) with one whole new group of friends from yet again, all different walks of life. Also, having to do so many extra-curricular stuff, and still coping with studies.

I always shrug my shoulders and say "huh, idk, just do lor" haha.
I think sometimes a way of coping is compromise.

Its choosing what you compromise in that tells what kind of person you are, after all. And not when you are living a comfortable life having little need to make important choices for yourself -- life should be pretty boring then, at least thats what I think.

Does that mean, if I choose to not accept the offer of hall stay for Year 2010/2011, im not even giving myself the opportunity one more year of so many many more lessons, and invaluable friendships? Or maybe I should quit and not put myself into this place, which seems very unfamiliar sometimes.

I still have 4 days to decide.

5 days more

Im nearly convinced that somehow, guys can handle exam stress better than girls... they dont seem to be countinually counting down the days/hours...and they still see the importance in having proper meals, while people like me can well...not eat. It doesn't really make a difference to me at least! haha. Unless of course, I'm hungry! Unless of course, its just the group of people im studying with!

Secret location is awesome to study:) and last night after getting back and taking a warm bath, went back to my room and found a plate of lemon pie (yum!) on my table with a note that said "Don't say I never give you food!:)"

I like study weeks, because you can have the time to yourself, finally.

This is a far contrast from what I have on my plate now: Mountains of work to study and Paper 3 still yet to begin with. I repeat: This sem's a gone case. :s

P.S You still love me, I hope:p

Command 2010

One sem has flown by, Semester 2 was especially quick for me.
It was swift, draining, yet fulfilling.

Colourful portfolio as colourful as the post-stics on my door: Now I just need to get my academics back on track. 10 days.

Timebomb!!

complain queen

Have you ever felt like a complain queen? Htht-ing to people I select very exclusively (I feel a little bad here), and thus I have been particularly feeling like one these few weeks... and even my body is getting irritated with myself -- Pangs of wanting to puke and dizzy spells...so strange. And no, I dont have low blood, in fact one of the things I know of myself really well is how good my blood circulation is, haha by the sheer fact that I become as red as a lobster after a run...it scares everyone...

So, I packed my bag and went home on Tuesday right after Nation Building Lecture! Missed Command in hall:(:( Wednesday was spent at home, and while making bread for myself, like walking around the kitchen, I had a sudden urge to collapse again! omg, so like I literally ran to the couch in my living room and lay down. I feel bad for making my mum feel so worried:(:( but I ended up sleeping till noon, and after that it was smses that kept me alive, and kinda getting me through my work. Exams in ELEVEN DAYS, YO?

Anyway besides my health, which, is of course, not going too well, I have been trying to get my life back on track. For many it would seem like it has been going okay and normal, but for a few of you who know me all too well, thank you so much:) Really these few weeks have been hell and Im not sure how I would be still alive for you guys.Those timely smses, those msn convos (even when im appearing offline), those encouragements (thanks Chiawen, I hope you see this:)), I guess things aren't that bad as it may sound, but still.

In terms of schoolwork, I think I honestly put too much pressure on myself, thats how I am really so I dont complain to people how foolish I can be sometimes, but sometimes I really want to stab myself, especially today! after talking to Prof Huang, omg. Can you imagine, he thought I was having some serious bgr and family problems?? hahaha. cos he expected much more frm me, after checking my background of being in vj and being in usp and all, like omg! shocked! So I told him about the other modules I was doing (taking too many on my plate), having lots of non-academia things to do and err, the basic fact that I start on term essays the night before, rushing out incoherent sentences and handing it up, finally, 15 min late too. He was relieved and I was glad I put his mind at ease I guess, but hurr, if he thinks this way, I think Dr. Tan thinks so too, since these two mods were kinda put in the backseat. :(

But then I came back, and looked through my whole life again. Starting from Sem 1 -- Highly active in Cross Country, shaved personal p.b by quite a lot, settling into hall and getting into gazillion comms, passing my big music exam; getting into WMYC Student OC, picking up and playing Touch Rug for IFG; and getting a pretty satisfactory cap, which left me in pleasant shock while in Dubai:)

BUT Sem 2: NO time for Cross, finishing hall committments + HPB; tasked with recruitment for WMYC; roadrace IFG; Writing Mod for USP and being nearly twice as busy then sem 1 = no way am I going to get that cap again. And this realisation has made me really depressed, and wondering if everything is worth it. To lose something that came not as easily as I would have liked it to be?

I emailed my sister, and asked her to help me judge from her very third-person perspective, haha. She doesnt even see me day to day, so its pretty unbiased. She said, my two pages worth of CCA committments, would be what I remembered next time. However, she said studies would be what people looked at, next time. She then left it up to me, if I am affected by what people judge me from my grades, then I should quit hall, go home, and iron out my life with books, and get married soon enough and live life as its supposed to be. No point wasting time knowing more people whom we may get inspired by, only to be disappointed. No point doing things other than studies, since those things dont bring us the grades, or the Masters Scholarship I want. No point.

Perhaps, perhaps thats a way out. At least it will release me of the stress I put myself in -- working so hard for committees, be in faculty, hall or ccas. I should just be a 'normal' student, go home, work hard, get a few tuition kids and get rich asap.


It's this semi-conviction, that I should stop being so willful and doing things that other people dont really have the chance to do so anyway.But its my heart which calls me back.

Just 3 hours ago, when I decided to have one of the last meals this sem with my block, (cos eating hotpot tmr awesomezz!) I joined the block comm to jio people. Walked past da zei's rm and he was asking where I had been. That was atimely reminder that im often out of sorts, when im not around, or not well.. and be it telepathy or not, the time he wanted to find me (the time I was home) was coincidentally the time I probably need that particular htht the most.

The humanly feeling which makes you go all warm and homely at home -- how to make this known on papers and how to tell my employers next time? I mean, I dont think I was just born to give you good results. I dont want to be, even if you give me the chance.

So how, where do we go from here?

Open-ended questions are the easiest to score in exams (at least I think so) but the hardest to answer in life.

I dont feel like zaiyi today man!
I'm upset cos I didnt do the matching questions well this morning, and it wasn't really because I chose not to study, I just didnt have time?

-Friday's dinner with the girls was already made up...by staying up till 6am at Mochtar to finish the proposal with v-almond so that I didnt need to stay in the next day...

- Saturday was spent on rewriting Paper 3 - draft due tomorrow 10am...and due to its intrinsic level of difficulty, of course 1 day wasnt enough..

-Sunday was my Grandpa's death anniversary, followed by music lesson...presentation and preparation for exams coming up real soon.

-Reached home dinner time, worked on my Paper 3 more...because I knew I'd only have 4 hours today to complete it...

- Started studying for pop culture test at 11pm. Slept at 1am because i was home, and sleeping patterns at home are normal (thank God). Realised I only had half my pop culture file anyway.

- Conscious choice to breeze through the test. urgh.

- Just finished ISM interview with Jie Hui.

- WMYC Secretariat in an hours' time, till 8pm.

-Free (not for dinner) to finish Paper 3, till 10.

- HPB: 10pm.

- Sleep.

= Haven't started revision for exams, in < 14 days time.

DONT BOTHER SAYING ANYTHING/ ENCOURAGING ME, ILL FIND IT WITHIN MYELF SOON ENOUGH. THANKS though.

Its coming to the end of my first year in university! I guess it has really been quite awesome, and though there are some things you know which you prefer not to know about life, its there for a reason...

I'm thanking God for taking me in hand this year, and for a handful of very good friends I know I can turn to always.

Praise the Lord.

After this crazy period, I'll be catching up alot on sleep, continue my running stinct, earn some good money and then spend it on some awesome trips:)

For now, its



P.S Carol just told me Nation building grades got pushed up 2 grades, cos the average was a C+ for the whole cohort! woooo:):)

Sorry Hiatus isn't really working

After the long weekend at home, and the peaceful Christian fellowship from my loved ones that I've experienced, I guess I have really come to a conclusion on many many things in my life.

For one, there's really one undeniable thing - I know I've said this many times, but I think I'm awesomely blessed by God. I've so many good things to count my blessings for, and although I may not be the most perfect person some other people may seem to fare better in, I know that given this time and circumstance, God's grace is indeed sufficient for me, and I should be content with that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not living in a bubble, or attempting to live in one. Baldwin and Eeghim were kidding today on how one of our team mate's signature in his email was something which went like "A vision for tomorrow brings a better future" or something and they were saying how they would like to return the email which said a signature like "There's no hope in tomorrow. Just study." Sometimes it really seems like we are caught in this crazy rat race, and we cant escape but to just be jaded with life and get things done. Well, sometimes when im really tired and burnt out, I succumb to this, but I often regret later on.

I guess one of the reason's why we were given a life, in the first place, was to experience life - for all its trials and tribulations, up and downs, joy or pain. If you dont feel pain, you dont know what joy is. And I guess this rings especially true for me since this year and the last has been most telling of what life can really be like. I can safely say I've experienced joy in the highest sense- and yes it wasn't experienced alone... the feeling of being invincible were there when we were together, no matter where we were. The immense feeling of joy every morning when I woke up, was irrepressible. But it was also this joy that made the pain all so bad and heart-wrenching. Im not sure if you've ever felt something heart-wrenching , yes but it really hurts, and I would never like to go through that again.


Also, the passing of my maternal granny and my paternal grandpa was as heart-wrenching, seeing my parents' grieve made everything 10 million times worst and for that no matter how busy I am, I have made a promise in my heart to always visit my grandparent's grave with my parents, whether at Qing Ming or an important date on the Chinese Calendar.

I guess one of the things I feel ready to talk about, is also about my parents. Yes Hwee, I've only told you so far! Well, they can be considered separated, and although we live under the same roof, nothing else seems to bind them. Not one word is exchanged between them and me and my sisters are often the medium the communication. I dont know exactly the history, but from young, its something I've learnt to get used too. It's most frustrating sometimes, especially when my sisters aren't in town, and im the only 'medium' left to deal with the situation. Now you guys can piece together the picture...why my family has so many cars, and why when my "parents" fetch me its just either my Dad or my Mum, and why when I go overseas with my family, I tend to want to fly back earlier, albeit alone, its to spend time with my Dad who will be staying in Sg, and many many million other considerations for me to always think twice, of how my decisions affect the two parties or the relationship between them.

One result of this, is also my inability to fully overtly convert to Catholicism or Christianity, because it will cause further breaks in my family, since my mum is Catholic and my Dad is Buddhist. I cant convert yet, because I cant bring myself to show im leaning to favouring of one side. For that, I really treasure every time I still am able to go to church with my mum, albeit with no Dad's blessing, but at least no hard feelings I guess. For that, I really treasure my relationship with God because it hasn't been easy and I am fully thankful I am always kept in His sight, because I 100% believe that He is the only one who fully understands me at any point of time, simply because life is way too complex for me to fully digest it and for anyone else who isn't in my shoes, to understand. And yes, despite hard times, my positivity is the greatest gift from God. And there is nothing I can be more thankful for.

But today, despite going through the tears and fears, I genuinely feel like I've come out of the whole episode, definitely not unscathed, but rugged, in the ability to deal with my emotions more maturedly and calmly. Sure I still snap at people and get agitated, but I think I look at issues at a more broader perspective - seeing how some peers at the same age have such great disaffections at the things which are perhaps the most unimportant to me makes me think again of what God has put me through, yes, what He put me through and think again of His Purpose for me in this life.

My Purpose in Life, I would like to think, is to be a walking creation of God's love, and to have a little positive impact on every single person I meet.

There was my renewal this coming Christian year, and now that God has Risen, its time for A New Beginning.:)

***
Have to wake up in 3 hours, running to West Coast with Yanyan... then macs breakfast!:):) After that its studying with Sijia till lecture, Writing MOD then DU all the way till night. BUSY day but im looking forward to it.

TIll another time, love, meiyi

April Fool's

I dont get it.

Is tricking people into believing that today was your birthday, when it really isn't, funny? At all?

This has seriously got to be the worst April Fool's joke, ever. For a lack of creativity or not, period.

This reminds of the Elizabethan England 17th Century. Not that I have ever been there, but hey, somewhat!

Just got back from my very first presentation in NUS:) It went well!:)

To Andrea and Marcus, quote classmates, "SPOIL MARKET!":)

This was our thesis:

Besides the purpose of literary and theatrical entertainment, a deeper examination of William Shakespeare’s A Midsommer Night’s Dream (AMND) reveals much more. With one of the time’s prominent literary writers using English language in such an intriguing manner (there are nuances between the use of language between all five groups of characters in the play!), this highlighted a phenomenon in which English language is used differently by characters placed in distinct contexts. Furthermore, the use of language in this play was just a literary representation of reality. Shakespeare’s plays were performed for masses either in set stages in the towns or as a luxury entertainment at the Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre. In order for viewers to identify with the plot and fully comprehend the nuanced relationships going on in the play, the application of conventional language by Shakespeare was therefore an imperative. Therefore, what was happening in England in this period was most probably reflected by Shakespeare’s adaptation of conventional language for his different groups of characters in the play.

We thus posit that AMND can in fact be seen as a picture of language change on various levels, capturing and highlighting the dynamism of English language. The motivations for variations within the language come from two threads. The first comes from a synchronic, snapshot picture of Early Modern English use during Shakespeare's time. Language use between clearly demarcated groups of characters is distinct from one other. For example, there is an awareness of synchronic variation in language dictated by class/ literacy and age (as represented by the difference between the older aristocracy and the young lovers/mechanicals.) Interestingly, on another level, it is also possible to view AMND as data for language change on a diachronic level -- change through history and time, represented by the differences between the lexis of the older aristocracy and the fairies. The examination of grammaticalisation also serves the same purpose of highlighting language change. It is through these dual threads, that the full dynamism of the English language is explored.

English is amazing. History is too:)

I thank God for bringing me on the right path, even though I was nearly sightless at the beginning. Everytime I do something which is so challenging, even though its hard and im stressed, but in a way im glad I AM being challenged. It was the academic rigour we were after all, like how Annabelle and I always console each other.

Today was our first blast of publicity for WMYC too. Gosh, I've been working on it for I-don't-know-how-long? But finally its out. Second blast on Monday. Gonna work on it and the timeline for the next few months over the weekend.

PAPER THREE!! im thinking of Mannequins now, need to flesh out an interesting argument first though.:x Presentation next friday!

Pop culture project! Theatre in Singapore: Good thesis but i've yet to start on it, oh dear.

Nation-Building Test! I have nothing to say about this really. haha. I guess its one of my least worries!

After this, its one more test, then THREE exams:)

MOOKS

Was doing some IVLE posts, in my bid to "do my best" for the pathetic time I have left to salvage my situation...and saw this...

"Mooks are archetypal young males(teens-early 20s) who act like moronic boneheads. They are self centered simpletons who live a drunken frat-boy lifestyle(or are frat-boys). Examples can be found anytime someone watches "Jackass."

Haha. :)

BLOG ON HIATUS TILL 30TH APRIL. TIME FOR SOME SERIOUS STUDYING MAN + MEETINGS :(

Friendships

Its 4.17am on a Saturday morning, and Im sitting on the rooftop (table and bench don’t worry, not the parapet) enjoying the breeze. I would like to imagine im alone, but I cant, because behind the glass panels on my left, the 7th floor guys are playing guitar heroes, and I think they’ll last longer than I. They know im stressed, but I hope they don’t think too much about it.

In fact, quite a few people have been trying to sound me out, If im fine. They know of my commitments and wonder if i can cope this semester. I know because they ask me.I say I think its going to be okay, but honestly I don’t think so. I haven’t been doing much work this semester, and I mean it. The only times I studied were the 11th hour before my test, and given the difficulty of the tests, expectedly, I didn’t fare well. It has been a conscious recognition to know that my cap will suffer this sem. I have sat through two meetings this week that have people warning me that schoolwork will take a backseat for now, till exam period.

Have been telling myself to do better than to be influenced by that, emulate last semester a little bit more, and become more of what I wanted to stay, after coming into hall. And woah, its not easy at all. I agree with you if you think hall sucks the life out of someone, because of what it demands. I totally agree with you. But i don’t agree with you that the outcome is always determined. In trying to do better than what the outcome may suggest, im trying my very best. Im tired, my brain is reeling from the effects of 15 hour sleep each week, but I’ll do my best.

My Paper 3 is due real soon, 2 projects, 1 presentation and 2 tests, and finals in 20 odd days. Im far from prepared, and I don’t know how im going to face my CAP when it comes out.

This morning EG didn’t wake me up because he knew I needed the sleep. I was frustrated when I woke up but it made me so thankful of the kind of friends I have. Joined the crossers at biz for study /htht. Have been having quite a few htht-ing recently, giving some real good closures to a few topics. Churning out proposals at the speed of light also adds purpose to the status of not-studying-at-all.

If its anything that holds me back here, its because of the friendships I have, which also have been tested through thick and thin.

Anyway, after this week of closures and gearing up, I think its time to change the direction again, take another fork. From this very moment, I shall sleep early, by 1am everyday, wake up by 8 everyday, run thrice a week, and phantom to study. Time to pull up everything's that down.

Its getting cold, and dawn's breaking, I should go.

" Hi Meiyi! Want to walk around school with me baldwin and eric? Tonight we're just taking a break from everything..."

Nice one luhh. If I wasn't sleeping when you texted me I'd definitely be there:):):) Hope you guys had a good time :)

<3

Being with you has opened my eyes

OK I changed my mind. I shall keep this here as it is.:)except that blogger gets irritating sometimes.


This is exactly how I feel right now.
Tired, and school's got me tangled up in many many aspects :(
Last nation building tutorial today! 1-3 pm hooolaallaaballoooo!
Headed a meeting from 4 to 6pm, then USS from 6-8.

Dinner with zeya, alywin, darren, bra, clement, sze sian, dex and joanne. Had a superr good laugh:)

I'm trying to piece my life together up for 2 hours, before I start doing my tutorial for tomorrow.

urghhhh tomorrow - lecture, tutorial, project meeting, then wmyc from 6 to 8pm.

Tired.

MAYBE THE LAST

Will miss trainings, killing ourselves with the intervals, and of course following our watches like mad reaching targets from point to point along the 2.2 route.
Still, I prefer my own running pace. haha:)



Health Comm! Mondays with Lance and Thurs with Mathew.



KR reporters, fun, and comparatively slack:)



SMU IS DA MAN. cool and fun, can contend for best comm in KR:)



and of course HPB - undoubtedly the most HAPS comm. this goes both ways for those who know what im talking about.

What a good end to a busy semester... going to settle down and focus already, before its too late to pull up whatever's down.

SEMI-MOVED. WILL BE BACK OCCASIONALLY TO POST.
ask me personally if you want my new url.

bad day turned good

This is for anyone, who has had a bad day. :)

Oh no, why am I having such a thought in my head?

Im suddenly starting to think if everything is going to be worth it, and whether I want to put a fulls-stop to this whole thing.

I guess right now im just tired.

But next semester I think Im going to change my direction in life. Last week in church, I suddenly thought of stepping up again, to serve in more ways than I have ever done. Also, I'll want to do more community based projects which involve charity and humanity-inspiring activities.

Jaded and caught up in this crazy rat race. How typical of what everyone tries so hard not to get caught in.

My body is getting used to 4 hours of sleep a day, which is very very bad. When i sleep for 3 plus hours now, it feels like I had 6 hours of sleep, and sleeping 6 hours is like about 8 hours. I feel so good when I have 5 or 6 hours of sleep. This seems good for now, but I think its really bad for health and long term.

This hellish 3 weeks of assignments end at 5pm tomorrow! (After that the tutorial backlog tumbles in) The rate of my work and essay-churning have been scaring people more than me.

Then I think, this is how it is going to be for the next 4 years isn't it. I should get used to it, perhaps type essays a little faster, research for material earlier and more thoroughly... lots more to learn.

Freshie for a reason. But yesterday during meeting Year 4 Syafiqah said I totally didn't seem like a Year 1 at all. haha.

I feel like I grew by leaps and bounds this year. Strangely feel my age - 19 going on 20. Even my batch of army boys seem younger than me. hmmm!

how now many brown cows?

Open house is over!! phew! what a relief, it was great fun.

But now im prettyyy dead.

Paper II finals due tmr, EL essay due on wed = zero references, zero planning yet.

Meeting for WMYC tmr 4-6pm, then 6 to 8 pm for secretariat. Promised people ill support NUS soccer finals tmr after 8, and promised yan yan and vera ill be there at smu party.

NEED TO PS PEOPLE AGAIN. DIEEEEEE.

GOTTA GOTTA SCOOT TO WORK.

NUS Cross Country: For the Love of Running

Was scanning the Cross blog for the article Baldwin told me to read, when I saw this.

I think my loss this semester has been not being able to go down for trainings. I dont exactly miss the track nor the intervals really, IHG training was enough! haha, but I really miss the people.

I took time off to go down for training on Tuesday and I was so so so happy warming up, conquering the vast fields and the long run with Jovyn, Mel and Trixie was so so awesome.

Running to me, is like my schoolwork. It doesnt have to be that good or A+ stuff, but I shall always try my best to improve.

From Lance: What seems practically impossible to achieve doesn't mean we should stop believing in it. It is there for the reason of inspiring us everyday, and every day step forward is an improvement.

For that reason, everytime I run, I want to pant or feel like giving up more than the previous time. Everytime I do an essay, no matter how late I sleep, I want to make sure my effort is A+, even if it might not necessarily turn out that way.

KR OPENHOUSE THIS WEEKEND!
Wont be going home this weekend but I'll surely enjoy myself with the krazee peeps:)

But for now, its response paper due at 12 tmr, Paper II final due on Monday, EL essay on Wed. And I just handed up China Essay today at 5pm. NO RESPITE. :X

I deleted my previous post because unhappy things should never be put this way. I somehow knew I was going to delete it some time after, even while writing it. Such is human nature.

Today was conflicting: Had a pretty good start with Film Screening of Forever Fever. Had a good laugh. Except that I now have a review to do by Friday. haha oh well, what's new.

Havent felt this happy in so long. I was rejoicing while doing warm ups and did long run with Jovyn at the track. Felt like I could go on forever and faster even. I took time off, and so...im paying the consequences now.

Some daunting things: Got a 'bomb' at meeting today, im going to be heading this big project, which officially whizzes off today, at the click of my SEND button, an email delegating stuff and arranging when our timeline's going to be done.

No respite, but im still young.

Its 1am already, I havent started a 1500 word research essay due tomorrow. Didnt procrastinate, I promise. But the earlier I sleep today, the later I sleep tomorrow. Oh yes, tomorrow goes to preparing for my tutorial. Year 4 Law student next to me presenting perfectly coherent arguments, I cant pale in contrast worse than the nature of our abilities already, gotta put in sheer effort.

Assumptions

I guess sometimes people assume too much.

It was strange this morning, it was like de jevu all over again...

I guess I still miss you in bits and pieces and I think this is gonna be permanent.

First joint appearance by HPB (Hall Promotion Board) 0910:)
For our performance please view facebook!

The dynamics of this 2nd semester has been so so different from last year. With 2 good friends I truly counted on moving out of hall, I was doubtful this sem could still be awesome.

This semester, I havent been going for Cross training at all - its been 7 weeks, probably about 20 trainings or so?
I miss the crossers so much, running alongside and complaining to ameera and tricia especially, i miss you guys so much. dashing those hell-of-a-insane intervals, starting when im even doubtful i can complete them. coming back to hall with dex and baldwin for dinner, soft legs aching to rest the night, but a mind so energetic, it could 'run' another 20 miles worth of academics.

What a big sacrifice I've made this semester, for USP and hall stuff. Chingay, HPB and small peripheral stuff like KR reports etc. To tell you the truth, I havent been 100% or even 90% well since the semester started. I get a sore throat almost forenightly, and a fever maybe once in 3 weeks. And i DONT even eat biscuits.:s like darren said, he felt like a 'live kicking chicken', i think i felt the same too, especially 2 weeks ago, during Chingay. I know that if I dont take time off to rest, I'll really seriously never recover and something drastic might happen. So, I've decided to commit 100% to WMYC, and HPB this semester, and of course academics.

I'll still go for long runs on my own and prob do a 21km for Stan Chart end of this year.

Thank you to all those who've stood by me this time - truly understanding me when I take so damn long to reply smses or reply monosyllabic stuff - its not me to do that, you guys know that, and you guys always make it a point to catch me at a better time, and make me share. esp, jastine, you've been super damn awesome:)

Thank you hpb-ers and 4th floor girls for the discipline you guys share - 8.30am breakfasts EVERY MORNING (regardless of the time we sleep) and study sessions when we can make it:)

Thank you for the joy you guys share when we are doing tough stuff or when we are bonding.

Thank you vera and abc and mc who're always here for me no matter where I may disappear to. the seat you guys save for me at lectures no matter if i turn up or not always remind me of how lucky i am.

Thank you mum and dad for always helping me out and making my life so pretty sweet and comfortable.

Thank you God for giving me everything I need, for Your Grace is always sufficient and I should always, always, always remember that, when the going gets tough.

Tough week ahead - 2 tests, gotta churn out Paper II draft by Friday to be ready for Writing Assistant, China Essay, EL project, secret event:), meetings, IVLE response for pop culture.

just asking, just 24 hours a day, has anyone else done this before, without any secret compromises?

P.S Hwee! if you see this, this is another version of MY FOREVER FAVOURITE SONG, hope you like this version too:D

Inspiration

Bryan shared this with us, Im quite positive that from here on, things can only get better.:)

jane has awesomely summed up my thoughts on the first day of school, back to an impending torturous month ahead :x

Monday, February 22, 2010
it's the beginning

At this very moment, my heart's racing a little, my mind's filled with worrying thoughts; i would say anxiety filled half of my day today, as i think about the 4 mid-sem tests in line the next whole week. I guess it's still manageable if i had the entire week to devote to the studying, but not with 3 night dance practices, 2 group presentations, 1 performance next week (DURING the test week) to rehearse for and a KR dance vetting at the end of the week. This does not include the 2 concerts ill be going this week to support my friends. It didn't help that recess week (last week) was chinese new year AND chingay. How does one manage soo many things with only 24hours per day? Hm, i guess this is hall life.

But I say this with no ounce of regret or sorrow. Chingay had been an awesome experience for me- ironically, i enjoyed the waiting time the most. Thanks to the company that made this experience all the more memorable and so very enjoyable. (hpb guys who never fail to crack me up, bryan! the retardedly fantastic partner XD, the c blk 3rd floor lovelies(: and d block neighbours) it really made the waiting time so much more bearable. It is also only in hall that we get to use the dance studio at 1am and go for 3am supper thereafter. Sharing old, (long and not so funny) jokes with one another (HAHAHA, Val). Dance has always been what I love to do, so I'm definitely not complaining having to go for practices.(: And I know with God's grace, that I'll be able to pull through this 2 weeks of mid-sems. For those who are feeling the same stress about tests & projects, ALL WILL BE WELL.(: Hang in there!

Besides, I believe there's much more to life than studies, right?(; For semester 2, even after IHG and Chingay, it's only the beginning.. of a great sem ahead.

Looking ahead,

Love, Jane.

One will never fully understand what's it like to be in university, until they are in it...really.

Anyway, just got back from jb :D:D:D
came back to hall then met awhile with the crazy hpb-ers then im skyping with hwee now. cant wait to join hwee in UK!:D:D

I gotta wake up early for a longggg run with Tricia tmr, then lunch with crazyyy people again then chingay!

Need to get more work done! school's starting real soon!:x





Till then, byebyebeybeyebyebebyeybeybebyebyeybybe.

I think it's really the start of the New Year this time, at least I'm taking it to be, considering that my English New Year didn't go too well in consequence (i'll tell you more if we meet up heh).

Basically till Week 6 (now), I'd been having way too much on my shoulders, and I'm not kidding. If I continue at that pace, I'd lose the ability to maintain my cap. So, im glad 2 committments have ended (at least for now) and 1 big one, chingay is ending on Saturday. I've decided, really that I shouldn't expect so much of myself - to run, to dance, to organise things, to be enthusiastic in peripheral activities, to maintain my out of hall friends (in nus), to maintain my out of school friends (overseas friends + smu + ntu) + working on weekends to earn extra (which technically isn't that necessary)+ to be faithful going to church + to be a good daughter at home + do my last grade of music studies in September PLUS do well in studies to maintain chances to get Master's sponsorship/ get a good exchange next next year.

I think I've been too hard on myself.

Like eeghim said "being superwoman".

Next time you see me concussed in my room, leave me to take a nap please, dont wake me up, which was the general rule the last semester and for 5 weeks.
Thanks.

***
Studied at smu today and met up with many people + it was like a meet-the-girls'-boyfriends day, the world is SO small seriously!:D
Should go more often:D