I think one of the best gifts I got this year, was catching up with Ally.
Sometimes you just need a friend to totally understand you now and today.
After all we move so fast, with the fast crowds and fast cars, nothing's permanent.
Spent my last few nights in hall- dinner with anwar, supper with nash and gladys, smuggers come over for kr sleepover, played floorball, vivo shopping, chomp chomp with iras pals, little ice cream kafe @ katong with l j and sid, white party at daryl's (still alcohol free yay), swimming with leow, badminton, dinner and dessert at twg with scgs seniors, christmas-tree-decorating lesson with mum, aunty tanya's housewarming and homecooked jap food omgosh, roadrace trainings, cross trainings (fartlek can kill zomg), and many other things in between. :D
I just realised I dont have much time left to do a couple of things...
For one, after talking to a few people in hall, I realised some of them are going to move out of hall really soon (exchange, going back to malaysia, going for holidays) - some of them are coming back after leaving, and some are not.
For me I too only have about 3 days left before I shift back home...I mean its only about 1 month before im back for semester 2, but im definitely gonna miss everything here. For one, I think i've grown alot alot alot since I stepped in - knowing so much more about myself, finding out what exactly who I am and what I want to do...Having to pack everything up (having not applied for storage), putting everything into boxes and even shifting the bed back seems so ultra significant - reversing my entrance here, yet leaving more than just memories. There were untold stories behind every friendship, every event, everything...its just how deep you savour each and every experience and see if you learn from every turn.
The only silver lining i can find in this moving out(will be missing out on so much fun holiday activities the block and hall is gna have, late night drives to thomson etc, missing my neighbours and not seeing all as I have this sem next sem..) is that symbolically enough, its a clean and thorough break from school, a chance to catch myself before im lost in this new phase, a chance to rejuvenate and come back, full force next semester. To spend quality time with my family in my only home and temple of comfort and solace... My family trip to Dubai and Egypt will also be another long and exciting journey of my family - of course Im looking forward to being the 'baby' of the family again...being the youngest, not having to look out for much things and just being there physically heheheh...a far cry from what I have to be in school now...
More next time...Im going to bed because i'll have to wake in 4 hours to meet the smu (sports management unit) people to go to Singapore expo together...hmmph!
Good night, I love life really, I hope you do too..:D
It's the last week for hall stay for two of my good friends here. Which is a big part of the reason why im still here, even though my holidays have already officially started- to spend quality time with them and enjoy their last few moments of hall life together. It has been so extremely awesome and it feels really sad for me to bid farewell to them - they have played such a large part in my settling down here, rooms to which i can seek refuge when i feel so ultra pressured and just to sound all my thoughts out... without a doubt im gonna miss you guys alot - ABC and Anwar :(
And suddenly I've the sinking feeling that im not doing the right thing. Even though I know I havent found out the reason yet, why I should be staying or not, and that's why Im still here, and am still going to be here next semester. I thought I was so sure, but then again some things and thoughts throw me off again...
God has been slowly showing me more answers day after day, giving me more light at the end of the tunnel (the light of which does not come from an oncoming train haha) and responding to my anxieties. Without a doubt, He has really been my refuge this time round and a source of comfort for me every night when im so drained and tired after school, trainings or activities.
I think I have given myself alot of unnecessary pressure this semester and alas my body succumbed to it during the peak period of performance, during the exams. Right before two of my most major topical exams im taking this sem (my major and minor/ major) History and English linguistics exam, I think my body couldnt take it anymore and it started with a fever and sore throat.. usually the fever subsides after a night and the sore throat after 3 days, but this time it was the other way round, with the sore throat disappearing but the fever going up... I slept real early the day before my history paper and didnt cover half the syllabus. I went for the exam almost like everyone else, just that my head was blocked and couldnt really hear properly (now I understand the severity). Sat through the 2 hours paper surviving on the chicken's essence and a good breakfast. Came back to hall, slept the day away and that night my fever went up from 38 to 38.6 plus and it wasnt good at all.. Thank God for seniors who kinda forced stubborn me to see the doctor.
With a pile of medicine and 2 huge stacks of notes of English (linguistics) to mug by the next day, I really questioned myself: Why now, why now, why now of all times?
I really wanted to score for history, I wanted to make sure my last 40 % was top notch because i knew it was possible. I wanted to do so very well for english because it is indeed my passion. But somehow things didnt seem to want to turn that way. the unexpected happened ( I havent been sick since June) and my fever didnt go away despite sleeping as it always does.
Equally bad was the prospect was not being able to take part in the Stan chart marathon this sunday... just 3 days more and im still heaving... dont think i can breathe properly much less control my breathing if anything...
Everything me and me planned failed. I wouldnt be exaggerating to say it was an epic fail. By this time I aimed to have done well for my last two papers especially and be well on my way to running 20 km already, so that Ill be ready for Sunday. Everything me and me failed.
It just goes to show how much I depended on myself, for something that I wouldn't be able to, anyway. I refused to give in and give up, now I know.
Lord, I said, earlier in a few posts that Everything that has been given to me was given by You, and that Everything I'll do now, I give it up to you.
And still I'll say, take my bad results, take my inability to hit my target this sunday, take my epic failures and make it a triumph in Your eyes, for thats whats the most important.
I surrender.
***
On a lighter note... the holidays are here! Have been out ever since the hour I was liberated (can expect my sister to hiss here, yea right whats 1 sem out of 4 horrific years right). Ive really been treasuring my time because I know i have little of this year left already... I need to settle my christmas list by the time i fly off (16th december) and getting myself ready for the New Year as well...(will be back in Singapore only on 3rd Jan, of which school starts a week later). Besides this, the USP WMYC team has to churn out some important details before I leave, need to boost my stamina up for roadrace trainings and more cross training etc... just so many things to do yet again. And of course, pass driving and my music assessments... meet up with the dear army boys for an early christmas celebration...
other than that, I think the holidays will be awesome cos the senior guys have already ORD-ed :D and got a few plans up our sleeves:D
till then till then, I need to rest. dont even have energy to mambo today.
Quote my reply to Mathew " i think our block kinda died after exams hahah"
But still, the holidays are here.
Really really Thank God. ok I'm gonna sleep early today, wake up early tomorrow for a solo long run:D
Night..:D
If there is one thing I will never forget to count my blessings, its the friends and family God has given me.
They are truly awesome people and I look up to each and every one of them for at least one aspect in life I know I can improve on.
Im at the biz library now, came after washing up back in hall after the Pol Science paper this morning! THREE DOWN 2 MORE GO I CAN DO THIS:D
Waiting for Sean Sherlynn and Mathew to quick finish their whatever biz thing before we all head out for lunch. Sugar-drained and studying for exams last minute has really proven to be a no-no here in uni. Not like we chose to be last minute really. Promise you I havent been slacking this sem away!:x
Havent been training for close to 3 weeks but have been going for runs with Tricia and my ipod. I tried to catch the sun that day and chionged near to Hort Park but suddenly there was a downpour and I got drenched in the rain! Was dripping wet while running past the bus stop and John Ho went "omgosh meiyi can you not do this kind of things!" haha. surprisingly, i felt really refreshed after washing up and I felt it was like a motivation from Him to tell me to keep going despite the mountain of things I thought I wouldn't be able to survive.
Running with Tricia is of course much more effective because talking and running keeps us entertained plus trains our stamina:D We have been running the same route though to ACJC area and PGP slope, gonna try a longer route with her this Saturday:D
Exams end on Monday for me, then its Stan Chart 21 on Sunday.
Unexpected offer to run but ill take it:D
I have loads of people to thank during this exam season.
The many post-sticks, and small sweets they put at my door while im sleeping/ out, the many smses at the hours of peril (Haha) or in the mornings, and the foood! gosh. Like baldwin drove out on saturday for something at lavender and when he asked if i wanted lunch from beach road i was like YESSS! OMG CHAR SIEW RICE. the super good char siew rice from any stall along beach road la seriously cheered me up so much and I think i might have done better for my killer paper as a result.
Mum baked cheese cake for me yesterday and she brought it along with lunch to hall for me, I shared it with Jairus cos im so proud of the cheese cake and cos it was too much haha:D
It probably made me more resolute in getting my studies over and done with. :D
OK. Lunch time:D whee.
School's pretty huge (especially arts) and sometimes on some days you run into a couple of people here and there.
These people are actually on my facebook, because of some good times we shared previously, when we were still young or maybe not that long ago.
Some jc seniors who didnt need to go to army yet, or the girls who came to uni, funny how sometimes these people actually know a piece of your history and remember how you were like no matter how times and circumstances have changed.
They dont recognise the person im walking around with anymore neither do they find my friends familiar anymore. Unlike the old times.
We walk past, silently acknowledging the history we shared, with the small little wave, or the small little polite smile.
I yearn for the past sometimes because Vj times were so so awesome, the rooftop, east coast park, thaipan, the swing (omgosh the swinggg!), the gate-climbing, and all the many friends whom i really miss dearly - boys hope you guys are doing fine in army:/
P.S and yes eric ill be there ok, 5th:D
Everything I have, was given unto me by Him,
Everything that I shall have, I give it up to You.
Praying for a good exam season:D
Will be back after the 30th November,
till then, love ya guys:D
xoxo, ALWAYS your meimei:D
I've been absolutely distracted during this semester and even now during study period. Exam in TWO days and I still can't really answer mock questions at the top of my head.
7 more chapters to go.
Must conquer the distractions.
P.S hope the rain clears in 3 hours, planned to go for a two hour run (or more realistically to dover and back) to clear my head.:S
no matter how bleak things seem to be (especially in the face of exams, like now), pictures of the past always cheer me up, because they encapsulate the very emotions I felt at that time, and no matter how distant it was in the past, I never will forget how I felt during those times...
cheers to the fella who invented pictures. :D
for now, its back to America.... 9 chapters left:S
ok its 2am and i should really go and sleep!
I just wonder why I cant give up sometimes, why can't i just be slack and give up for a while. Why do I always put myself through so much stress, forcing myself to the limits and challenging my mental so much, why why why?
Why can't I just relax for once,
Because im honestly so tired, I just want to give up sometimes, just for a short while, at least.
Sorry i just had to do this...I'm not sure how much you've got there too, but...
I have
16 more thickkk chapters of American History (i've completed 14 please salute me here), 12 Tutorials including 12 x 2 sets of thickkk readings to plough through and a few essay questions to prepare for, before the exam this saturday. just fourr days left.
really. not. enough.
After Saturday, I will have to launch into a heart-seizing frenzy of studying for Southeast Asia in 3 days, concurrently with Political Science, History 1101E taking place consecutively from Wednesday onwards.
After History 1101E, I have 2 days to study for English linguistics, which yet warrants another heart attack.
I mean, i really tried my best this semester and thought i maximised my time already. I mean, not like i spent hours sleeping away or something, I promise you i was ALWAYS on my feet doing something, minus the 3 days i fell horribly ill and had to take a break.
So what exactly is this, man?
Today was a political science day. went for lecture with jairus, nash, wendy, and abc:D
Lunched with them and then it was mugging time at my favourite central library :D
Nash and I were really sleeepy halfway so we listened to my.sid for sometime and i love my music, because it woke us up real well:D
Studied till 5.30pm then had dinner at macs (because of hafiz's free coupons haha):D
then it was political science crash course with jairus and nash! i fell asleep because i really couldnt take it:/
came back to hall, then chilled a bit before having kr supper with johnny wayne (who visited!); their friend, jan, heidi, amelia and steph.
yummy mee siam:D
Cleared my head a little before im going to study round 3 of studying:D
We'll get through this everyone:D
Camping in biz lib with zeya tomorrow... muggers ftw:D
training at 6pm then im going home whee:D
P.S: OSA asked me for my new year resolution. I said to get cap 5.0!:D:D heh.
I realised I havent talked about the things I've done in a narrative style/ranting in quite a while. Usually its just phiosophising/clearing my thoughts...
What happened that time when a few of us : abc,vera, wei heng mathew and I escaped the fire drill by going to the biz library after dinner to mug, whilst imagining being laser-pointed from people on the other side of the glass windows downstairs? So crazy.
What happened to the days when a few of us were getting desperate to start studying and nearly camped in the reading room, shuffling between our books in the pockets of time we had in between late night committee duties/ trainings? We were so desperate.
What happened to those mornings when the Reading Room Group (Yes there is one:)) fervently woke each other up for lessons and breakfast the next morning after the late night/ early morning? So impossible.
What happened that time when ah choy and I decided to go for a run and ended up freaking far away we had to run back (not cos we wanted to) but because it was way too far to walk back, anyway. from a simple jog to a near marathon. pretty amazing.
What happened to the time when darren, bryan and beng tatt crept up behind me while i was listening to my earphones and eyes glued to the screen in my room, which happens to face away from the lobby area - so dangerous.
What happened to my choir auditions, where I gathered the courage to sing my favourite song, to the a room full of seniors and much-better singers? so unthinkable.
I want to remember each of these small, trivial episodes one month from now, and even one year from now. the fun will definitely have to end someday, some how, when I grow up a little more and perhaps have to put studies first first first. like in my honours year or something.
For now, ill relish it.
***
Yesterday was a good day, political science till 12pm, then WMYC meeting till 2pm, met sijia and grace for lunch and talked till 5 plus, before heading back for dinner. Chingay costume fitting then chionged History for a bit, before meeting weiquan and elvis at sheares for Sheares Chicken:D:D resumed WMYC meeting Part II at clement's room till 2am, before I headed back to my room and K.O-ed.
Night cycling later, starting at midnight. Amazing how this can mobilize everyone to get some sleep. Everyone's either at class/ trying to get some work now till dinner time, then everyones gonna try get some sleep till midnight. the Whole of KR asleep at 6pm. Funny.
I'll want to remember tonight.
Tonight's gonna be a good good night:D
Everything has been ok so far, thank God:D
It was supposed to be a discussion on Aceh's freedom movement during SEA tutorial today, and somewhere along the way we drifted off...
Person A:"University life is so boring, oh man."
Person B:"Yea, plus its so competitive here, whats the point really."
Person C: "Yea...*agrees fervently*",
then turns to me...waiting for me to agree...and I guess i just had nothing much to agree with. They gave me a very surprised look and immediately asked if I was in hall.. haha so smart people these days are. Like how they immediately ask if im going to be teacher when they know im going to major in History!
thats just because university life has definitely NOT been boring for me...in fact quite alot has happened since the start of school, and I just wish all my old friends from vjc were here to share it with me, although I still attempt to articulate some of which becomes less meaningful when articulated...
Most important of all, I think I've grown quite a fair bit since everything started,
Academics have just been half of my life; training - running and running (failing sometimes) and me questioning my own ability and my own commitment towards running quite a bit; my injury to my leg which made me pretty demoralized and helpless after forcing myself to train while trying to stretch the pain away, in the impossible hope that it would heal in the end; but getting over it;D; hall life which can quite consume quite a bit time-wise and socially; but finding my own discipline and group of friends i know i'd want to walk through this journey with; getting into committees and deciding to be more pro-active by joining more things like Road Race and Chingay in hall; trying out for something and getting the God-given opportunity I thought beyond myself-committee for WMYC for USP; and of course pulling myself away from more tempting committments like more committments in USP and Arts; deciding not to pursue music in Uni anymore (but of course still doing it externally every sunday:D); getting skinner not by choice (side-effects of hall food);becoming a little more lack-of-sleep tolerant; being slightly more concerned for my best friends (a few out of quite a number who came to NUS) like cheering them up when they are down, because when they are happy i am happy:D; maintaining a out-of-hall and school rls; basically getting out alot from this invaluable experience.
I guess life could be boring if i didnt put myself into these circumstances. but then again, Im highly doubtful of that. I mean, I had a hard time settling down in hall at first, because I couldnt tear myself from the old lifestyle i had - the wonderful East, meeting up w the people only going to Aust next year, going Batam, late nights out with mouse and the rest, spending sufficient time with my family etc.
I guess sacrifices have to be made if you want more good things to come...Im glad im seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and it seems to be drawing nearer everyday.
Hall is fun, even better now that (mostly) everyone respects me for who I am, I am blessed to be on 4th floor.
I am blessed to be in C block because I've learnt so much more reality and how life is, ever since IBG till now...
im blessed to be in a very non-judgmental faculty USP:D (im always not there, but they know im crafting out something over here in hall:D)
im blessed to have such good friends in NUS - abc,vee, mama, ex-iras colleagues, fellow moe ts
im blessed to have found a pretty solid grp of friends in hall and block
im blessed, im blessed, im blessed.
I know its futile to say this, but I wish things would just stay this way.
but of course wishes mayn't always be practical.
p.s: today the cross people were planning the dec trip, i can't go, cos of dubai+egypt for super long with my family! sad but still excited for my trip:D
Sometimes when I talk too much, its because I need to hear what I think for myself.
Sometimes when I appear too positive, its because Im tricking myself into forgetting the hard things.
Sometimes when I run too fast, its because I know if I dont, all the more I know I can't do that.
This coming week is going to be tough.
The uncertainty of everyday is almost a wonder in itself. How can every single day be so different? How can one day suddenly change someone's mindset and affect relationships so much, how does it have the power to alter life's events, just how powerful is one single day?
***
I went for a lone long run to West Coast today and felt so good, haven't had much time to go almost anywhere on my own for a long time and the space was much appreciated.
"The body does not want you to do this. As you run, it tells you to stop but the mind must be strong. You always go too for your body. You must handle the pain with determination..It's not age, not diet. It is the WILL TO SUCCEED".
RUN ON.
thank you Vera, Jairus and Baldwin today :D
okay, after this weekend is up, really time to settle down and get cracking, for the final exams. Quote Dudley's friend "If i don't mug, I will die."
So true.
and i forgot to say PINK AND BLUE IS SO HOT here in C block OH NO, pleaseee spareeee meeee.
Warning 1) to me:
4k: "don't feel left out (cos they started ytd already), no one will be left out in this!! *evil laughter*"
Warning 2):
Mathew:
"haha.. seriously.. u better be more careful cos ur door latch broke (HOW DID THEY KNOW THIS OMY)!
&
"haha,please be careful tonight, dont leave ur wallet and matric card lyin around
or hp
today i got some msg form janice, sayin please date me please
hahah".
HAHAHA. FUN, BUT OHHH NOOO.
its friday:)
E-learning week comes to a close and a new (equally) hectic week starts again. Right now, its past the initial uncertain stage,where you're not sure what to do, or exactly how or well your best is. Im more or less pretty settled in, regardless of whether I have sufficient points to stay or not for next year im not that concerned, what's most important is that I join the things I have a genuine interest for/ dont clash with my other committments (like my family holiday in Dec CANT WAIT!) , and they must be so important until im even willing to give up part of my academics for it if i had to (its impossible not to do so, trust me).
WYMC under USP is also an exciting prospect for me next year, and i just hope I live up to everyone's expectations...have been meeting up almost either with Elvis or with the entire board of committee heads.. this plus project meetings and the usual cross trainings have occupied my elearning week quite abit!
Meanwhile, managed to spend some time with the girls; sea-sports VJC people heheh jessie, louis, li ying, sam, sid, hansel, jordan,annabelle and also met up with some outside people. It was heartwarming and i'll never forget how comfortable I am with these people, no holds barred, no need to do things for the sake of doing things...you get what I mean.
I won't say I have it any easier than my peers in other universities who are constantly stressed by daily presentations and readings, though the number of presentations I have to give in a week are probably much lesser and don't mean much to us ( My EL group's the only one who still does impromptu presentations in tutorials). We've also had a recess week already and this week is E-learning week (of which I do not agree is any less slack than normal school days).
I think my challenge lies in having to deal with everyday which brings something new.
Living with friends during the weekdays and family on the weekdays trains your emotional stamina, because now you can't really throw tantrums anymore (remember the black faces you could give at home just because you were tired?) neither can you chill by eating one whole packet of Ruffles while watching Ellen Degeneres and Oprah Winfrey back to back.
Training your discipline: oh yes this is awesome.
Restraining yourself from unhealthy suppers and reminding yourself to go to bed, although you feel you dont really need it (at night). Studying till you just want to kill yourself cos you know if you dont study now, you TRULY dont have any other time to study hahaha.
Reminding yourself of what's important in life:
Amidst so many events and work and opportunities to do what you like, you finally get a REAL chance to decide what it is that you really want to do.
And having to keep yourself on your toes all the day:
There is never a day I find I can just lie on my bed and fall asleep / take naps anymore...there is just no time...
Though there are many things that have changed, there are also some things that have not.
1) How God is ever so real to me, although I think im spending lesser time with Him now (im working on this). How He comes to me in small instances like some nice stuff people say or good advice they give that keep me on the go always and remind me of how beautiful life is.
2) How my best friends since Primary School, Secondary School and JC and outside friends have not changed.
3) How I still love everyone I love.
Thank God for the many opportunities He has given me and I just blossom in His grace, because His grace is just so sufficient.
Thank you God.
I initially thought I should stay in hall this weekend to mug my ass off and clear the back-log of things before school started, but i decided otherwise when I realised the F1 tickets were left at home!
I never ever regret lugging the tons of files, books (crazy History) and my laptop; not forgetting my shoes and clothes for the weekend home (thanks to vera, i got a lift home!) because home is always so wonderful. Well, i might not have the same discipline as i do studying back in hall (when I be entirely anti-social and close my room door) but its a nice feeling here - like it makes you feel wholesome and happy. Like you know you can just try your best and no matter how you do in exams your family and friends love you. Not that this doesnt happen whether im staying out or in home, but the motivation and the air around feels different. I may not cover much studying at home, but i think the spiritual encouragement can make up for it.
Well anyway, today was awesome moresome because I met my Mum in town after her floral arrangement project for KFC and shopping in town - beat that! I haven't had the chance to do a proper catching up with her since school started and im more then willing to do it over this weekend even though I still have mid-terms I haven't studied for next week:/ After that we headed to Newton Food Centre for dinner and SATAY plus i had to take pictures as part of my Southeast Asian Project.
Today was a good day, and tomorrow's gonna be just as good.
Going for church in the morning and lunch at Parkway ( I MISS YOU PP!) followed by my music class then F1 FTW:) backstreet boys here i come!:)
Recess week was good, I did most of my important stuff and projects, went for trainings and interviews etc, mambooo and met up with my family and friends.
BYE BYE MID TERMS but its okay ill make it somehow, because at least im really happy:)
P.S My Dubai trip has been extended to included Egypt this December.
CANT WAIT CANT WAIT C A N T W A I T!!!
I just got back from training, and I think i'm feeling quite satisfied!
but iIt's back to this pile of never-ending work and numerous projects and essays to do... ah!
But apart from this, it has been two trying weeks, sending many friends off overseas, the many tears and training up my rationalising skills that i'l be able to see them in mere 3 months. What's 3 months in uni come on, its just slightly more than 10 weekly lectures and tutorials, about 30 trainings and a couple of meetings for projects and all. Okay I shouldn't have done that because it has just made 3 months seem pretty long. But oh well :( I was more than willing to put my homework aside because I know I'd regret if I didnt do a great farewell for Hwee and Jill...but I cant help but feel teensy worried now, not sure if I can catch up in time. My last week was atrocious, since class participation requires all the pre-assigned readings to be cleared. Also had to make use of all the time I had (travelling included) to study for my 2 mid term tests (YES I HAVE CLEARED TWO!).
Amidst all these, I think priorities will surface time and time again and with God's wisdom I'll press on, and you too, and my favourite 7 girls too - esp Hwee in UK and those in SMU Stressland...we'll get through this tgt!
Many pictures from send-offs and my last shopping/ exploring stint with Jill at Mustafa; NYNY at Chiawen's and SYHO to make me happy. Ill upload these soon!
I've just had my first mid-term test in university, how exciting, i actually skipped my whole day of classes just to mug for the test. Thing is, how it has always been with history, you really have to study the W.H.O.L.E thing for every single test/ exam. I mean history is about causes and effect and somehow you feel helpless if you have no clue what happened before eg. 1776 even though if you are just talking about the impact of the eventful year of 1776. Fortunately or unfortunately, its my favourite subject still.
Thing about me is that I get really angry with myself if I dont put in my best. Like you get the stabbing feeling, do you feel that way sometimes? Thats why for A'Levels i made sure i put in my best and after that i knew the results wouldn't really matter (well, of course it did matter a bit) but that part you can't really help right.
I want to carry on with that mentality in university as well - the spirit of doing my best and even if you fail, its not because you failed failed but because its just not meant for you. I want to be an extremist in this way- i want to do everything I can in my own ability as an imperfect human being. I want to aim for Yale for exchange even though I know im going to be equally happy if i go to say Penn State instead. I want to aim for U Penn even though I might not even end up there.
So when things get in my way, I just get the feeling I'm not doing the right thing.
I wonder if it's too late to turn back.
Plus i really hate the feeling of being possibly fake, can't take it when you see the ugly side of things and how you just have to live with it and not do anything about it.
It just culminates within you and you either become numb or you just quit. I'll prefer to quit, this time round.
I think i have fallen too deep to pull out of anything.
Besides God which for me is uncompromisable, The many committments I already had,think ill have to cut each of them down by at least 25 % to squeeze more things in.
Its just not that easy because I listen to people and their advice so when im here i hear one thing, and when i go there, i listen to what they say. But i think I have had time to settle down, and I have already decided what I'm going to do...I believe nothing is going to change unless God's will changes.
I'll be content with hopping btw KR, USP and Cross and ill promise ill do my best for my studies. Just praying for a smoother flow of events, less interruptions and perhaps less expectations above my personal ones for myself.
***
On a lighter note, I had a fulfilling 2 weeks so far and 4 weeks in school. I never knew I could be capable of doing so so much in just one month, I feel like I've been in school for at least 2 months really. I need the term break, its not too early for me like what some others say!
Just finished my music exam on Wed, it went as planned, hope the results too!
Because of that i've been running up and down hall and the dear east for nearly 5 consecutive nights and mornings i was so drained every night! still went for cross trainings and the easy runs - tuesdays, fridays and sunday mornings at macritchie, becauswe it makes me happy!Between lessons some of us also headed for the Student Exchange Programme talks at the USP building, and yay i think ive kinda gotten an ideal exchange location:) It also reminded me alot of my intention of staying in Singapore to study in the first place- to be able to go to more places on a smaller scale then studying overseas. That gave me more focus to keep me awake in the wee hours of the mornings finishing tutorials!
Finally I've been so happy being able to meet friends and Hwee and the girls in town thi week...Ate lunch with Shermaine on Wed then headed to meet the girls at DTF for a quick lunch, then came bk to school for T rug training with sherry and the others! then it was bk to kr for elections yay congrats new ppl:) and because ive not been out for a destressing session for super long, met sid at 1 fullerton heh before conking out bk in hall at about 5 plus in the morning! gosh. what a fab wed:)
Thurs was school then met mouse and hwee in town for Cream Bistro lunch hmmm yummm! Calamari Hwee!<3 then we walked and mini shopped in Ion and pigged out on some snacks at the basement. By the time i reached bk hall i managed to go for a quick run with star runner Mathew (lol see him say 'no!' here its funny)to West Coast Park. Dinner then my quick bath and it was singing with Zeya and Bryan before heading for the really quick choir auditions hahaha. it was fun but of course the pitching part (going higher and higher, or lower and lower) killed me! well im glad that at least i loved the song "Swear it again" by Westlife haaha.
today is today! have intervals training (poor legs:/) in half an hour and then gg to SMU for Hwee's Bomb Attack then ROCHOR tauhuay YUM:)
Ok, I have two big tests next week... and Im going for IFG T Rug for USP tmr! GO GIRLS:)
It should be quite an interesting busy week...cept that my two really good friends Hwee and Jill are leaving for UK next week ill miss them so so dearly :(
Ive got the whole of today to decide if I want to go to Dubai with my family at the end of this year, they are going so its just up to me if I want to join them.
Usually, I would jump onto the bandwagon as fast as I can, i mean, family trips are always so fun and relaxing especially since being the youngest, I really dont have to think/do much and just have fun all the time.
But this time its different. Im not sure if I would crave the entertainment then, after weeks of already-highly-entertaining school and hall life - i might actually crave time alone, just lazing at home and having a good time to myself. Moreover, we'll be going from the 17th right up to the 2nd week of Jan, I'll be missing out on Christmas and New Year - oh the horrors of missing out on gatherings with the girls and time to part-tor (lol) esp during the festive season. Missing out on school with parental consent seems extremely enticing though...
But, i think, I'd want to be home this year-end. And so, i think ill only go up for the few days after Christmas and come bk right before New Year (ill need to take the plane alone though oh no). Although im still in Singapore for studies, and still shuffling in btw hall and home on weekends, there's something different. Something different which makes my weekends so out-of-bounds to any more school activites and how ill only devote it to God and my family and loved ones.
Things change and people's priorities too - But the things which mattered and were and always will be important, will always stay on top. Well, at least for me.
I hope you understand.
today was such a good day, and I find it funny that my mood depends on so much from the outcome of certain activities. I used to be more 'zen' about such stuff. but anyway...
TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY BECAUSE I SKYPED WITH MY SIS IN DUBAI FOR ABOUT AN HOUR AFTER LECTURES IN SCHOOL.
Our accommodation out-of-home's good except for the fact that her APARTMENT is so much huger than my cosy corner in hall. haha.
Psalm 31
In thee, O Lord, do i put my trust;
let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness.
Bow down thine ear to me; deliver me speedily: be thou my strong rock,
for an house of defence to save me.
Pull me out of the net that they have laid privily for me: for thou art my strength.
Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me,
O Lord God of truth...
I made quite a few decisions over the weekend, and im glad I did, because now I know I can go all out and make all these things work, rather than hop in between- the uncertainty could kill.
If there's one big lesson I know I'm supposed to learn - simple as it sounds, its just time management, but this funny thing, makes or breaks one.
Ive only 4 hours to touch rug training, so I better get going, I have loadsss of readings :x
I was so awed by the many colourful pictures ive taken over the past month of July and beginning August I want to share it with everyone;D
here goes...
Kent Ridge Hall Freshmen Welcome Orientation Camp; MOE Presentation at Suntec;
KR's famous Dating Game - good pals at the end of it;
What's more awesome than a weekend overseas with people ive missed for so long
(I-have-a-life-outside-hall Part I)lol !
More from FWOC and VJC's Homecoming Dinner 2009
It's 6am here in hall and the national anthem is playing on the radio, and no im not up ready for the day, but in fact im getting ready to sleep...just finished minutes for USP Pageant and talking to my "date", because during the day all of the hall people have our own lives to lead, and apparently this absence culminates in the insatiable desire to hangout every evening after dinner - either at this supper place near hall, west coast plaza and whatnot.
Life has nearly changed 180 degrees for me after moving into hall. The maxim 'Work hard, play hard' has to be refined - its 'Work hard, play hardER'. Of course, its not impossible to maintain cap 5 while being active in hall life, but its difficult they say. You play so hard and you aren't ever alone for any meals or at any time of the day, your door is kept open and people visit you at any time of the day (yes literally ANY time). You chase your "dates" whether you are a girl or guy, and though we eat alot like at suppers and all, i think we could possibly expound equal/ more than proportionate amount of energy.
Some people are skeptical of their future after they see what they are getting into, but im surprisingly optimistic. I think every situation has its pros and cons, and currently i feel it may actually be working to my advantage. My level of 'happiness' and enthusiam i believe, is what is keeping any illness away, even though i've only about 3 hours maximum since last friday. Shuffling between driving lessons, camps and hall has not been very easy at all! of course, its easier said than done, wait till the academics come and topple over us only then will I know the burden. But i think its important to hope for the best:)
there's so much more to say about this 'new life' but i shall reserve it for the next time. I have one whole year ahead anyway.
Its saturday, im going back to the east- home sweet home at noon, after i sleep in aahhh bliss:)
Night (morning) everyone!
I'm BACK from OBS (which was last week and by the way, was really awesome!) and am wrapping up my worklife, before i retire into a full-time student again :D My last working week has been absolutely memorable, my colleagues make worklife so much more bearable!
Im so lousy, I succumbed to the germs surrounding everyone and i've started coughing badly again. Only recovered from a bout of sickness 3 weeks ago and its backkk. as usual, life has to go on especially the rest of this week because its going to be awesome moresome!- jill's dinner, chinatown on wed with the girls, wed night hmmm, rag auditions on thurs with abc, more driving lessons, cycling on sat with colleagues and sunday outing with TS! all these plus work almost as per normal except on wed and thurs - really hope i recover asap!
KR photos plus the weekend meetup with phoe, jastine, and jt as well as A13 - photos!
AND YES, THE WHOLE TAYLOR SWIFT GOT INTO KENT RIDGE! YAYY!
...
although this is good news, but a part of me is really starting to miss the east already, although ill be back on weekends- parkway impromptu breakfasts/ lunches and siglap/simpang suppers and east coast park and visiting ppl in the east and bumping into vj ppl almost everywhere ahhh.
Anyway, as for university, yep im going to Guo Da to do Li Shi and im going to be a Jiao Shi. hahaha. got into USP along with abc and phoebe too so this was my initial first choice combi as well, so i am really thankful to God! just hope with KR hostel life and that crazy workload, ill be able to cope, and ill strengthen some really good friendships:D
anyway, today is monday and its the only night im going to be home, so i shall be smart and go read a little now before sleeping real early, to remove all these germs urgh!
I should really be sleeping now, since im working at SPECIAL LOCATION 1 tomorrow with hwee and abc, excited! went back to my ROUTINE JOB today just to show my face and that im still alive! felt abit out of place after not being there for so long!
This is unbelievable, but i just feel so good about everything now, maybe its because of the short break (KR camp!!) amidst the busy stressful life! the camp was unexpectedly good and nothing which really tested/stressed me out, although Darren's and my last minute dancing prac on performance night was teeny stressful! but TAYLOR SWIFT pulled it off, yea, and we WON every single game on the last day even the water games, without us even trying ;p we were just out to have fun! PHOTOS SHALL COME SOON;D
I missed malaysia road trip with my cousins from wed - fri, and We missed bintan/batam (im confused here), jessie/louis, soon? :D
anyway, today i was superwoman, worked till 5, rushed home to have dinner, driving from 6 to 7.30, then went to parkway to meet sid to gym till 9.45 then supper, then home! and yea the east is soo very cool, met one of my bgls on the bus on the way home from parkway! its these little things that give you a warm fuzzy feeling in your heart!
Anyway i should really go, because tomorrow im working, then having dinner with the girls!
I need to talk about my decisions and what im gonna be doing in university in my next post.
Till then, all of you please take care!
Keep flu away eh;D
Let me tell you about my best-est lazy sunday-in since the longest time forever:
Woke up at 11 (am) - this hasnt happened since 4 mo nths,
Read a book while lazing in my balcony - this hasnt happened in 4 years.
Practised on my electone before going down to town for music lesson - okay this happens every week.
Scooted back home - laid on my parents' bed in the nice air-con room and continued reading, while watching my mum pack her stuff and folding handkerchiefs (she loves decorating the house with beautifully folded handkerchiefs): this is the first time ive done this in my life.
Going to the airport soon for dinner and send some family friends off to Perth.
ALTHOUGH STILL NOT 100% AT HOME BUT STILL AN AWESOME SUNDAY:)
I STARTED LOVING BEING AT HOME WHEN IT GOT HARD TO DO SO, WHY DO HUMANS ALWAYS REPEAT THEIR MISTAKES AND NOT REALIZE THIS EARLIER.
IM NOT SURE IF ITS COS IM SELDOM HOME OR BECAUSE IM MOVING TO LIVE IN HOSTEL IN THE WEST VERY SOON, I SUSPECT ITS BOTH:(
Anyway, i still cant really believe i cut my hair. What was i thinking. I love it, but i hate losing my (very) thick, long hair plus cos i cut short my highlights are gone. I look back to sec 3 all jet-black and school-like, how ironic. I mean my hair dresser said i was supposed to look more "working-class" , hmmm. But i think this episode has shown me more sides to myself:
For one, i found a slightly more impulsive side to myself.
Secondly, i embrace change, be it whether i enjoy/ regret it. I think feeling different sometimes and watching people's reactions adds more excitement to life.
Thirdly, I realise im not as affected by what people think of me anymore. Or rather what they say dont really cut me that deep anymore. I've become more self-assured and less needy of people's opinions. but this just applies to the masses like my outer circle of friends. My family and close friends' opinions actually still do have a great influence on my own opinion.
A mitigating factor to this impulsive episode: my hair grows as fast as wildfire spreads, so no worries... it'd be back to square 1 real soon.:)
This coming week is gna be a tornado - meeting up with some people, kayaking with the girls and camp blue blood till saturday... what's even greater is that im only working 2/5 days YAYY.:))
see you folks and remember, dont be too affected by what others think yea:)
I wanted to say a few words before i thrust myself upon and right into the upcoming week and let some crazy things unknowingly blow my emotions away...
Im way touched by what all my friends and family have done for my birthday - my whole birthday week was so awesome, met up with lots of amazing people and received quite a few surprises:)
Thank You for the birthday song my Jean and Chiawen and those in the background who were in church after VIBE...thank you for persisting in calling me and getting me on the line throughout the whole day!
Thank You for the lovely kidnapping surprise and cake my girls!
Thank you for the awesome cake and designing and so-super-unique card Lorraine, Lesley and Shan;)
Thank you for the emails Anthea and Joanne... i'll get down to replying you soon:)
Thank you all the people who facebooked me, thanks lois for the retarded joke hahaha..
Thank you for all the entertaining smses,
Thank You all the people who performed with me in alumni! Performing on my birthday will be something i think is so meaningful because i oh so miss performing so much:)
Thank You God for this wonderful birthday...and responding to Phoebe's prediction...by allowing me to bump into her today!:)
And Thank you for the cards, all of which i received were so super heartwarming. I nearly cried today when i read the one from ___________.
Finally thank you Edo and Jon for the overseas messages , from Indonesia TO Hanoi :)
Thanks gor you're physically alone on the hanoi train to hue, but my happy spirit is with you! IF YOU SEE THIS SMS ME WHEN YOU GET BACK:)
It could have been even better if someone else could celebrate with me too, but im contented and we'll have many more days so yes, for now, this is bliss.:)
Met up with Jill yesterday and we did some good shopping;) and had a greaat meal with a very interesting topic to spice up our dinner heh:)
Was on leave today to go for my xxx interview at xxx (i dont really like rude interviewers, so yes whatever goes, seriously.) after which i went back to SC to meet Li Shan, had my favourite MEE POK and talked to a few teachers in order to make an informed decision asap!:)
I've only just recovered from a bout of quite-serious-flu and im springing back into action, although i feel quite overwhelmed now, so so so so many things to do:/ From checking my eyes, the medical examination, networking brunch, camps, hair, friends' birthdays, MY OWN BIRTHDAY coming up so super soon, performance for Majestia this saturday, rehearsals, interviews, filling up forms and emailing people, preparing for the marathon next week, and promising people to plan outings etc aahh really quite overwhelmed. the only way i can keep in touch with people now is while im on the move, like sms-ing and calling. but maybe it's my mini sickness i still have, today i replied smses until i really wanted to puke oh gosh. its times like these i really want to throw my phone away and live hermit. but of course there's always the plus side, like knowing everything at the end would be fine, with some particular angels around;)
Going to Parkway now for a quick hair cut, gym, print some photos from presents and then go to east coast for some beach pizzas;)
zooming off, taa;)
im reading the offer package now, and gosh...
almost everything ive 'planned' for my own future has to be changed, from the big stuff to the nitty gritties..
but i guess this only reminds me yet again of how futile it is for me to have so much 'control' over things i cant, and to have faith in God...
because you never know, it might just come in a fat bundle, landed on your doorstep (less ideally, your letter box) one day.
Its been one of the most awesom-est week ive had since a long time. Although every week carries with each its own special something, i guess this week has just been filled with things that has helped me destress by leaps and bounds - finally tearing myself away from work for 2/5 days to celebrate a special birthday; watching 2 fantastic movies; supporting our jnrs at SYF; having relaxing dinners, and going to Batam with a real cool gang;)
I asked myself last night if there was anything more i wanted at that moment, and my answer was No, im sure this answer will stay for a long time more :)
Of course, my week wouldnt have ended perfectly if i knew my girls in taiwan weren't doing well:) missed you all, cant wait for Thursday shakespeare in the park!:) i fell in love with these two pics !
FRIENDS are truly amazing people and im not sure what i'll do or what i'll be without them.
Really, oh my gosh.
i declare today FRIENDSHIP DAY;)
Im one of the only few left still employed, so im kinda missing out on the small lil' meetings we could have, but i still love you all a lot and our time will come soon!
Anthea's upload of all the old photos made me miss school all over again, and i really cant believe how great school was for me - you all formed a really important part of this. Even though we played a lot, we went through a lot of downs together too and i havent said this since results were out but im so happy we all did SO WELL and that we can all go to our first choice unis, locally or abroad. love you all!!
It has been a fulfillng week so far and Ive been kept on my toes for as long as i can remember - i havent had a late morning for about 6 weeks to nearly 2 months! Weekday and Saturday mornings at work and Sunday mornings at church!
Music and driving lessons plus gyming keep my evenings busy, and of course meeting up with loved ones and spending time with family fill all the little gaps with lots of love:)furthermore there are interviews and tests and SATs to keep my mind and current affairs knowledge on the ball, uhhum.
And of course, there are always sacrifices to be made - Often i feel envious (okay not really the green with envy kind but just the pining) of my unemployed friends who enjoy their beauty sleep and leisure time, getting the most of Vitamin D (since they are actually able to catch the sun) unlike me:/
I was just thinking about it today, and i wonder why it is so me, just the need to have a million rationales for doing something, before i actually do it. Besides shopping and the recent episode of signing up for the gym membership, impulse isnt really quite my cup of tea. I need a lot of convincing and persuasion from others and from my inner self (which comes from a lot of prayer and finally acceptance) before I let go and move on to something new, much less feel discontented with my current disposition. Maybe its just inborn in me this super-satisfied person filled with gratitude with what im given(as my CT wrote in my testimonial), or perhaps i just sink into a lackadasical mode after years of chasing the conventional - education system the biggest part of it all. Why im still hanging on to my job amuses me and leaves me puzzled at myself sometimes. But its undeniable there's a small satisfaction that hits me everyday at the end of work even though that particular day might have gone horribly - and, no its not the pay. Customer Service Satisfaction they say.
I need time to think, and perhaps by then the 3 day work week would have kicked in and ill feel less dismal since ill finally have more time on my hands. Its having so little time at your own desk and your own bed with your own things surrounding you and lounging around the living room that's the root of my distress. How ironic.
Ahh.
Jo if you see this, i love you too!! and i cant reply you as of yet, but ill give you peace when i can so here goes,
Music is the art of the Prophets, the only art that can calm the agitations of the soul; it is one of the most magnificent and delightful presents God has given us.
talk to you real soon miss you 400% (1/24 x 100% x 4!) dont ask me why 4 but im wondering why 1/24 isnt it 1/12!! hahaha :)
and Yess pilates and authentic worship!
thanks dear:)
Its been a year since we ventured to the Big Apple and Manhattan, things have obviously changed since we all arent together overseas and kinda made to live around each other under freezing temperatures - the boys are scattered around tekong and other places unknown while the girls are all pursuing our individual temp jobs!
MISS YOU ALL! 
and fat enghwee stop blocking me in every photo!! :)
This weekend was good, primarily because of Easter celebrations!
I've come to accept the need to surrender - im not going to be anxious over emails or letters or calls coming in anymore and im just going to take in everything He gives. im going to encourage Furby and others who call me to check whats going on in this wonderful island while they are stuck somewhere else...
Caught Shinjuku today :) and finally we caught one movie enough to keep our attention span - the gore and fighting was good enough for restless people like me!
Going to take a few days of leave in the next few weeks, and im sure planning in advance - people look out for the dates to keep free and pleaseee keeep them freee for meee! thankew!:)) and yes, all the best to all the uni people taking their exams tmr and the next few weeks!:))
for now, its back to the work week:/
