Ironically, I suspect my most public and 'unlocked' blog here may ultimately be my most private - although my other two (lj and tumblr) aren't that exclusive anyway, but the community around it makes me feel like I'm always reporting to someone (and these people see me everyday) when I'm typing there - sometimes its really nothing, and its just ranting, but somehow people will always find a context to apply them to, and it stresses me to second-guess what the other people will inevitably derive what they think they know, from that.
Even most recently, I actually wrote something which was close to my heart, and it was interpreted almost literally by someone, and unfortunately that person took offence - imagine my shock when I read a return post by the person (and this later was of course, doubled by a stab in the heart)! But the damage was done anyway, I apologised on the behalf of myself and yes, the evils of technology exactly.
But anyway, these few weeks have been insane! NUS had recess week, but honestly, it was nearly my most hardcore week - by the end of the friday before recess week, I had a list of SIX papers and 3 GROUP PROJECTS to turn in by today. I.e, when I'm not working on a thesis and a paper, my spare time should actually be spent with group mates and tidying our projects up. imagine! didn't have time for anytime else at all! In fact, even before recess started (on that friday), it was my most ultimate stressed mode, and I nearly died...
I just handed up my last assignment at 5pm today - but my state of well-being is probably at an all time low. From being a regular (albeit recreational) runner last 2 to 3 sems to almost having not exercised at all this sem (due to the fatigue from working too hard at work), I feel so disgusting and unfit... Although knowing me I'll probably double up during the holidays and regain some stamina, but for some reason I feel really gross now. I think I also need a haircut, but I only have a grand total of 1.5 days home this weekend (tomorrow and half of Sunday - im already rejecting a 21st party tomorrow!) - and probably double the workload I should actually strive to complete, so as to save my busy life next week (whole weekend burnt due to NUS Openhouse) - which means besides family time, the rest should technically be spent on work.
However, having had only about 7 hours of sleep in total for the past 2 days, and finishing a test and assignment today, I feel like I really need a rest already. I'm for the idea of 'wasting' tomorrow, but in order to be responsible, I still need to draw up a 'schedule' of what my weekend and next week will be, so as not to flunk anything in the end. I want to give up a little, rest a bit and maybe continue next week or something, but by then, all the final term papers will be due, and those would cause enough trouble as well...
I really want to do something for myself though - get a haircut, get a manicure, rest till my eyebags disappear, rest till my skin complexion regains that glow I so need, go for a swim with brown mouse (and get a tan), fulfill my promise to meet up with jastine to get my colourful watches, write notes to all my blockers and floormates to encourage them on with school and all, go grocery shopping to buy some comfort food, watch tv with my mum.
What should I do?
However its also all these, that make the times we set aside for friends even more precious - had about 6 21st parties since the start of the year already; celebrated V'day (went out till late on a school day [and school day the next way] beat that -_-!) in a fantastic way; recesses in NUS with old friends, ex-colleagues etc. these, in comparison to the amount of intensity and thought I put into my work is still incomparable though!
Part of being human is really needing to condition ourselves to think of the positive...all the time, anytime... so here's some comfort photos.
Hope you who reads this, no matter what circumstance you're in, for better or for worse, that you still count your blessings, cos everyone's still entitled to that..Thank God:)
