This is such an awesome blog, and I gotta do this here - last post for 2010!
Don't care if anyone still actually reads!

2010 has been officially the worst year in my 20 years of life. Yes, the worst. Because many bad things happened, and the recovery process was painful. It was when I screwed up, over academics and matters of the heart, and trying to regain something wrt to the two issues was tough.

I just hope 2011 would be so much better!

But of course, there were still memorable events :D Like, erm shall not talk about Jan-Jun at all, because I can't remember many good memories from there, it was mostly pretty bad.

So continuing from June..
1. Successfully executed WMYC @ UCC!
2. Helping out at Cross open house, and Cross camp
3. Dated 2 people who were pretty awesome, except that sadly im not in the mood for love yet, haha.
4. Bintan with the vj girls!:)
5. Got selected as a writing assistant, along with ABC in USP!:)
6. Organised a local tour for pretty cool foreign students!
7. got an exchange space in US:)
8. Got into JCRC! and loving my two comms RN:)

Ok but overall, 2009 still thrashed 2010 upside down! haha. Never thought I would ever say this!

I was wondering when this post would come.
Two years ago, I was too caught up with the speed at which life was carrying me forward, I forgot to post, until 2009 came.

One year ago, I was still overseas, heart aching, and dying to come back to Sg, after 1 whole month in Dubai with my family. I eventually changed the booking of my flight to a few days earlier than the rest of my family members, and flew back, to catch the last few days of December. Not sure if I posted then, I won't be surprised too.

Over time, this blogsite has become a place where I come to, when I have come to some difficulty. As I have noticed, I haven't come since September, and I must say these 3 months have been the most awesome period of my life, since January this year. Suddenly I have recovered some of myself that I had since I was 18 - which is so precious to me. Everything seems so hopeful yet again, and I must say I believe in fairytales again,which by the way, is so important, I feel.

Tonight is the eve of NUS results day yes! But its so much more about the results. Its also a reflection of the undivided attention and hard work I've put into my work this semester. I sacrificed so much during school time - family time, some social activities etc. just for this experiment - to see just how much I can go with my studies.

I just feel a bit heavy-hearted now, because I know I havent exactly placed Someone else in charge this whole process. I feel that I've tried to control the outcome of events too much, by myself.

Argh.

But overall, oh my gosh, I think I've grown tremendously this year. Honestly, its a relief 2010 is coming to an end. I feel it has been an amazing journey by itself. And wow, I'm really quite 'tired'.

I'm really looking forward to 2011, because there are things I still want to get back, and will work towards that.

Oregon 2010!

2012 is so far away! But something to look forward to.

University of Oregon - Clark's Honors College (History) :)



Think hippie culture, weed (optional), daily live performances, hometown museums, rich history and one of US's prestigious public research institutions!

Best of all, Oregon's in the West Coast of USA, awesomeee. And glad I applied for Semester 2, because thats a bit of Winter and transiting into Spring, which means ill get to try both the winter and non-winter activities Oregon offers!

And... since its in 2012, I've time to get my license!!

Thank God, for making everything work out (at least for now!).

:)

Some photos to make everyone feel happy again:)

To the people I've been very bad to, in the literal and figurative sense - as in rude to, or meiyi-gloaterish to, these guys have become so much a part of my life now and I dont know how much gratitude I have for everyone who has helped me along the way, encouraging me when I was active, picking me up when I was jaded, or a simple lunch and everything. Didn't take photos (obviously) with everyone im directing this message to, but you'll already know if you're close to my heart, so this goes to you.

Thank you, and Thank God:)

new

Bintan was good, but upon coming back to Sg, its like plunging back into reality. Plunging with hands on my nose though, because I won’t say I didn’t expect what has happened so far, although I won’t say I was fully prepared.

For one, hall so far has been giving me a rather different experience from what Year 1 gave - the group of people I’ve been hanging out with are different...this isn’t bad, but revisits from those of the ‘past’ and doing like-minded activities strike a chord within me that I know these are the only things I ever wanna do, and never change..now this is bad. When I commit to activities, it’s because I’m purely helping friends out, like based on one-to-one individual friendships rather than being committal to the idea of the event itself...which makes me feel so conflicted so much of the time... Also, not only do I miss those not here anymore, but I also miss those still here... It feels so distant when I see them with their new freshies/friends or doing new stuff because it’s something I can’t help, yet i’m still struggling for some control.

Maybe its still holiday period for everyone but me (because of having to go back to school) so I kinda see things from a distance, rather than being submerged in the entire thing.

Despite of how my attitude as a KR person has changed quite abit, I will still say I hold it close to my heart for the many amazing memories it has given me, the small friendships that go the distance (that others really don’t know about) and has helped me so much last year.

Maybe I should throw any expectations away and hit the ‘refresh’ button.

I have been feeling very upbeat for some time, think its because I've been getting sufficient rest, or at least when i dont, im doing things I enjoy, like catching up with people over supper, watching movies or films, camps like swoc. During the day, if im not doing WMYC stuff (which has been a great experience in USP), or working (earning money yay), or training (improving fitness), im seeing friends and going out catching worldcup matches, having a drink or two. Or best still, having relatively more time at home, and spending quality time with my Mum and Dad. Also, I finally get time to organise outings for people, which is great cos i get to make the call on who's invited hahaha tsk tsk. but yea, basically being a more proactive friend, something I miss being, being so caught up during school term and seeming to be always on the receiving end.


During this holidays, I've been out of the house for a substantial amount of time, with school and all (above-mentioned) but my Dad never fails to buy my favourite breakfast from the nearby market everyday. This is despite me perhaps not even waking up for it, as I'm nocturnal some days. He also loves it when I sleep in, and creeps in to give me pocket money, because he knows I dont get enough sleep, although sometimes it becomes horrible when he quarrels with my mum when she wakes me up, cos yup she doesn't really like the idea of a nocturnal life in our house. He also never fails to catch at least half an hour of soccer matches with me during those few times I catch the match at home. Basically, my dad goes out of the way to show that he loves me and for that, I never want him to fetch me from the mrt station (unless im really tired) or want extra cash from him or want anything more that he already gives. He's getting on with age too and I dont want to expedite that! haha.

Even though its super hard shuffling between both of them, and with my sis overseas we dont really have each other that much anymore, but I guess this has helped me alot in life. Being independent to me, is alot more than just washing my own clothes, settling my own meals and making my own decistions (actually alot of this, I realise, my Mum still does haha) but its so much more than that... There was once, my dad was furious with my mum for waking me up -- She woke me up at 8am cos I had promised my dad the previous day i would follow him to HDB hub before he went to work. But cos SMOO krubbing was the day before I only slept at 6am, I was probably still in deep sleep then. So my dad wanted to let me continue sleeping, but yup cos i'd already promised, and of course because clubbing should never be a valid excuse for skipping other more important things, my mum was helping me keep my promise. So, to appease the both of them, I got up, and got ready super fast, and had to put on a front that I was ultra awake and even hungry (totally not because my tummy was actually pretty uncomfortable from the alcohol the previous night), because breakfast is a norm with my dad on weekday mornings. So yea I kinda appeased Dad by showing that you know, waking up early was really ok for me! So dad was happy, and well I think my mum was proud of me, for having mental and physical resilience hahah.

I was just thinking today, despite the challenges God has given me these past few years, I think I'm ultra-blessed, because I have such loving parents, despite still having a relatively dysfunctional family, I still thank God for giving me a Dad and a Mum, well even if they can't coexist together. Mum was just telling me that day that they might be filing for separation by the end of the next 3 years, (although this goes together with having to sell our house now) and I guess I'm mature enough to let her know that I support her decision whatever it may be, and that I'd still love her and my Dad as much as I've always.

Staying at home has been so very important to me, and hall life on a everyday basis during school term has re-emphasized that.

Also, I think I'm very blessed, cos God has been such a constant for me. In fact, He has been the only constant in my life. I like to keep Him with me all the time, although I know I dont show it all the time (forgetting to say Grace and sometimes my nightly prayers). I just pray that He reads my heart all the time, and help me by always giving me good intentions and to be a good person, someone in His likeness, which is not easy, because I believe that it is important to stay relevant in today's world, that means dealing with things like clubbing (often a no-no to many pious Christians) and hanging out with friends who might be not be as good influences (many smokers sigh), whilst not losing my own values.

Lastly I guess I'm lucky because I always have good friends, who read my sincerity with their own. Sincere friends are the most important to me, even if we might not meet up constantly. I guess this has to be one of the most important values I appreciate in friends. I'll accept all your vices just as long as you are sincere and honest with me. :):):) awwww. haha.

Alright, this should be a pretty comprehensive update.
You can see my other academic/ minor rantings on www.onedose.tumblr.com:) best still, add me on twitter hahahaha.

Till the next time, cheers!
<3

My biggest fault was not allowing God to take me on the healing process, and me trying to handle it all on my own.

Thanks C for letting me know something I've not been able to admit.

True happiness sets in from now onwards:)

Maybe I'm aunt agony to too many, Im starting to be brought down too. Finding it harder to let my own happiness spread to others, lest does it keep me feeling invincible.

So when I get the feeling that I can conquer all, I'll remember it forever and hold on to it tight.

Update

A compilation of some photos taken since the holidays kicked in, I have some reservations calling it summer because I realised its quite a pseudo-angmoh term, since well, Singapore doesn't have 4 seasons. :)

Its been quite an awesome few weeks, and I've taken on responsibility to take down on my notebook what I've been doing everyday. Coping back at home (after not staying home on a daily basis for 1 year) has also been something new, yet still familiar: helping out with housework, kind of taking over what my mum has to do without me around, spending more time with my parents, and basically showing I treat home more than just a hotel, as I realise sometimes my schedule forces me to do -- the early mornings back home and then resting 4 hours before heading back to school/ work.

Also, due to the lack of time/energy, I've been forced to prioritise many activities for friends: in this sense, I realise I really have to spend my time where its worth, get what I mean? And also looking long-term...what do I want to keep? Definitely my friendships with sec school pals, vj girls and cca mates and of course some others, some hall friends, and crossers and church mates, and really its a done deal, I really dont have much time left. Also going back to school almost every 3 out of 5 weekdays keep me on the move.

Had a good talk about life over some Edinburgh yesterday and yes, I believe with God to help me, I'm on the right track.

Being perfectly honest about what one wants is really not easy, but we've got to keep striving, because only our true self warrants true reciprocal happiness and satisfaction. No more putting up fronts just to accomodate people, but of course we've got to stay reasonable too, that shouldn't be a problem. :p (This is applicable to both social networking as well as the academics uhhuh)

Time to pull some handbrakes.

Have been on cloud 9 since CBB ended, cos thats when school really sorta 'ended' for me, one month later than everyone.

So I have been out everyday, everyday, then every dawn :(
Time to pull some handbrakes, before I lose myself.

Everything in moderation, people!

LL if you see this, run tgt soon, we needa talk!:)